Weeping In Delight

One thing leads to another as we flow from one moment to the next, so this is a bit of streaming consciousness... Yesterday evening, I kept feeling this urge to cry, not out of being upset or depressed or angry or anything negative and yet I couldn't quite put my finger on where the sensation was coming from. Before bed, I was reading from The Path of Practice and the topic was honoring the ancestors, so on that note I fell asleep. This morning, still the lingering tears behind the eyes. Hmm. So, I continued with my morning, wrote out my morning pages (journaling) and nothing really came through. Okay, so then I have a few house chores to do and decided to put on some music! Let's see, what shall it be? John Denver! I have a good collection of his songs so put the player on 'random'. Then, WHAM! All the wonderful feelings of vacations with my parents (many where trips to Colorado, many times all of us singing along with John Denver) came flooding in, not so much the specific memories but rather the overall feelings of love and care, of adventure and experience, of gratitude and joy rushed upon me and, yes, then the tears began to flow. I was at peace. THIS is where I needed to be, sitting beautifully and happily within the bubble of those emotions. After a few minutes, I called Mom just to tell her "thank you" and I also sent a "thank you" to Dad's spirit; we cried quite happily together over the phone.

But I really wasn't feeling sad, rather delighted, and this quote expresses wonderfully how tears can be misinterpreted as sadness or sorrow with negative connocations.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that, in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran

backlighting

Sitting down to journal, I flipped open 'The Essential Rumi' at random and read:

"Live in the nowhere that you came from"

This morning as I looked out to the backyard, the sun was rising but not yet up behind the pines and I was struck by the magnificence of the backlighting ... how glorious and bright ... there stood the pines, tall and straight, aged and sure, their spines rough on the outside yet with the sap of life coursing through them, showing its splendor at the very top where green needles shine and send ions cascading all around joining with the sun to dispel darkness - the deep rejuvenating sleep of all life - and awaken activity ... that activity coming from the backlighting ... and it's behind everything, not just the pine trees. I can move toward the backlight but never quite reach it here in our world of form and yet when I stop moving and settle in the stillness, the backlight comes to me, surrounding me, then I am center stage and enveloped by the light, the light that is no longer behind me or beyond me or above me but around and within me - the light and I become one and I exist in that 'nowhere' that Rumi speaks of ... the 'now - here' that Dyer mentions ... the power of now ala Tolle ... the teachings of ancient wisdom that peeks through the eyes of humans today and speaks to us. Why are there so few wisdom writings from women? Perhaps because womyn, the divine feminine manifest, more often dwell in the light already; she doesn't have to visit the light or try to find the light, she is already present within the love light that glows in her heart and grows in her soul and is part of her Nature unhindered by the roles of the stage (until recent history) ... the hearth-keepers and heart-menders and the ones who were backstage within the backlight already, being and doing and shining naturally through life ... the backlight of nowhere ...

I don't know

i don't know

powerful words

freedom

i don't know where this path goes

but my feet step lightly

happily

loving

being

now