Deep Within

Incredible. Awe inspiring. I will never again be able to walk Mother Earth without reflecting upon the beauty She holds within; birthed to us, gestated, menstruated, bleeding all the colors and shades of rainbow minerals, earthen glory outshining even the stars in Her diversity. Splendid. Magnificent. 

Deep gratitude for eyes to have seen within this immersion Her deep secrets and treasures revealed -- I weep in Her presence to know Her glory above and below.

I was able to shift my focus and receptors to enjoy the crowded sensation of going to the Tucson Gem Show and so glad I did! We were blessed by chilly, cloudy morning so the crowds were held off a few hours and I was able to thoroughly adapt to and enjoy the exhibits and displays of hundreds of thousands of gems, minerals, rocks, and fossils. 

From this immersion, I was gifted with not only a wonderful day of walking, exploration and delight in Ron’s company, but also a visceral connection with Gaia’s inner world of embodiment as Mother Earth. We’ve all been exposed to the beauties of silver and gold, emerald and diamond, of amber and salt crystals in smaller amounts, through shop windows, special jewelry. But how to experience the abundance and sheer magnitude that truly pervades the depths of Earth Mother? An "world's largest" exhibit that is spread throughout an entire city can express this to some degree. 

As I walked in reverence among the familiar and exotic unknown, I simultaneously gave thanks for the joy of Gaia’s splendor and offered healing for the penetration She had been subjected to by those who may have been thoughtless seekers of jeweled treasures. 

The sheer bounty and magnificence was nearly overwhelming during my first outing on Tuesday but yesterday, after shifting my perception and placing some conscious energetic boundaries, the day and its grandeur were amazing ... I was such a small piece of the macrocosm that is Gaia. “Deep in the earth I go...” indeed! 

I could imagine myself on a trail tunneling through cave after cave where She displayed remarkable wonders with infinite variety. At some moments I could know my shallow breathing as the awe swept away my air, and at others I was vibrating in rapid-pounding, pulsing, foot-tapping joy as Her gorgeous rock and ancient fossils surrounded me on all sides. 

Whenever and wherever I walk now I will wonder what beauty lies beneath the surface. Wondering, if I go deeply enough, beyond the soil that grows my food, beneath the water table that slakes my thirst, beneath the ever-expanding veins of Gaia’s blood, will I find new wonders? More beauty and heart-breaking magnificence? This is never to discount the beauty above, or the rich dark soil, or the broad expanse of sands that shimmer or the deep red rock of a mountain, or the warm brown tones of tile. These are gentle, soothing, life giving resonances that cradle and support. But now I also feel further and know other wonders previously hidden or felt they were ‘elite’ to a select few. The bounty of the rocks available shows once more that Gaia always provides enough for everyone ... and more than enough were we to be conscious of Her treasures. She is the ultimate artist and Creatrix. I was humbled by the artistry She holds within Her body earth. We take out and use these gifts -- shining, cutting, polishing ... but all begins with Her and within Her. 

She is creativity and inspiration and beauty beyond compare. I am but a unique cell among billions that grow out of Her. And the stones speak, the earth calls, Her voice crystal clear.

An unexpected experience was when we stumbled upon the African Art Village, see my post on Ancestors ... 

I'm Just an Old Chunk of Coal

SoulCards(c)

Coal becomes diamond and reflects the light, enhancing, brightening.
Transformation of life and Self, I open to the wisdom that is abundant to a heart receptive.
See the beauty in the coal, cloaked and humble, taking its time in transformation as the world speeds by.
Sit in mind's eye--center.
Here a focus of light, a laser directed through multi-faceted experiences and planes of existence too numerous to name yet present and filled with purpose.
She brings me diamonds to sparkle and coal to warm the sparks asleep within, deep in the bowels of Self and earth, waiting, building, nourishing.
Rocks of Ages.
Infinity.
Solitaire of Oneness that fills our field with Light.
Accepting, I welcome Her.


Remarkable gifts that we harvest yet do not see or honor...
Thank you, Gaia, for within each part is the whole of you and us and all life.
In the plainest soul lies the deepest secrets of a knowing born out of simplicity.
For two are One, the duality an illusion.
Coal is diamond and the non-sparkles are dull yet remove and release the toxins by absorbing them and transforming them rather than repelling.
The prisms of diamonds reflect in blue ice of magnificence bringing their unique gifts of transformation and clarity.
One is not more important or of more value than the other for they are One born of Her wisdom that we see when we open.
The beauty of the coal in Her obsidian skin that draws in the light to heal Her Self.
The beauty of the diamond in Her stardust mirrors that send the light to heal Her world.
Glimpse the wisdom in Her duality and go beyond the comparative illusory realm of dark and light, black and white, to see the future of our sacredness in all facets of life as One.


Blessed image as this particular journey slows.
A truthful reminder of all I have gleaned along the way through Her portals, each pebble and twig hold a message if I have ears to hear and eyes to see and bare an open heart.
A life of temptation to be ever-drawn to the spectacular, the grand, the twinkling effervescence of the false light of ego-attachments that are fine so long as I honor the True Light and embrace Her cave, the sleep, the darkness, the womb of simple solitude and its gifts of renewal that may come at a slower pace yet are not lost in the evanescence of illusion.
So eager to see the next moment sometimes, to find the excitement, when the peace of the present moment is here and now and is ultimately Her greatest gift.
"I'm just an old chunk of coal, but I'm gonna be a diamond some day..." can be deceiving--gaze deeper and honor the coal for the energy and unique cleansing it provides, for only then will the diamond form naturally flaws and all. 
Honor the common elements of our amazing, gorgeous universe for Her diamond is always here, there, waiting to shine once we embrace the coal.

Thaw

SoulCards(c)

Aurora Borealis.
Frozen tundra touching mountains of glacial purity.
Crystalline caverns that channel me to Source as She begins Her thaw.
She starts to shiver in shifts that come and go with waves of awareness, yawning chasms emerge.
She feels compassion for the passage of time, knowing the quickening is coming and the deep peace of solitude and silence will fade.
Midnight Sun. Noontime Night.
Shifts.
Night passes by in Her ice blue gown and pink flowing scarves reflecting the warmth that floods Her awakening.
Dawn.
Emerging from hibernation, slow and delicious, waters begin to change from diamonds to tears and trickle down crevices, seep through cracks, moistening, flowing, gaining momentum and creating new channels--new paths.


Such a beautiful SoulCard image and yet my words feel as frozen as the heavy snow that covers the ground outside my window. I enjoy the winter withdrawal, the darkness that envelops me in a warm velvet wrap against the cold that could otherwise be threatening. I love the contrast. From autumn through winter I feel totally in my elements, completely at ease. And yet . . . I need the spring thaw, the summer heat, because otherwise I would sink so easily and lovingly into Her wintry embrace that I might never awaken from my imagination and dreams. I welcome Her cave and experience no depression as I wrap myself in Her cloak of inner exploration. Heaven to lie dormant, still . . . bliss. The snow and cold provide permission to curl upon the couch, cocoon in blankets, sleep long hours, rejuvenate. A short walk in crisp air breathed in deeply expanding lungs to refresh and replace any stagnant air, then back to hearth for more calm and connection. Build a strong inner fire, a light within, during the powerful intense sunlight of summer that will carry me through the long dark nights. Create enough passion to keep the ember glowing, the spark igniting, the candle burning within . . . not a bonfire, just a gentle spreading warmth beneath the surface like Gaia's molten inner core flowing and spinning . . . gently, gently.

This Dark Whole

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

A dark center lies within 
where troubled thoughts and birth begin, 
a whole of blackness filled with fear 
that makes me cringe when I draw near 
this certain death of something dear 
or growth of that which causes tears 
yet venture close I have to do 
because within lies altered view 
of world and me, of Self and Soul, 
within the darkness lies the whole. 


Death is waiting with Her skulls of past 
that I must face full on at last 
for hiding does my heart no good, 
leaving cracks of "don't" and "should" 
yet through them also seep the better world 
where I might live and breathe with wings unfurled. 


Gaping wounds run rivulets red, 
the choices made within my head 
I based upon ego thoughts 
and left behind the love She taught 
me in Her wisdom: share and help to be, 
others who depend on me. 
And so I feel the deep dark space 
where envy lies in my disgrace. 
I see it dwelling, squirming there, 
within the heavy darkness bare. 
Blood must flow to cleanse and heal, 
clear and rich, bright and real, 
not to worry or resent the unrevealed 
of what was meant ... to BE. 


A cave within, now transformed 
into a haven given form, 
a safety zone where I reside 
when chaos outward bids me hide. 
Go into the darkness willing, 
take Her hands and know the wonder of Her magic healing
 ... LOVE. 


This dark center can be anything 
I need or see or share with me 
a Truth that offers space for inner work, 
to sit in stillness, darkness, 
and feel the peace descend 
right before the end 
- of anger, fear or pain 
dark whole gives, 
so much to gain 
for Self and Her and All that is. 


Death is birth, 
and shall reverse. 
Perception is what that needs to change 
for life continues in its exchange 
- of energy, love, light.  


This dark whole 
a gift to explore, 
a dark pearl shone, 
an unborn diamond is the coal. 


Open my heart, my eyes, to the gift and the Light comes in, the darkness dissipates, easing away into shadow and then no more - for now. But it will come again because this human existence is natural cycles flowing, growing and then leaving, departing, into darkness. Yet my openness, my heart and love and acceptance are what see Her gifts in the cave, in the healing darkness of Her womb. 


A time of rest is death. 
A time and space of renewal. 


To be born again, I feel the ebb and flow. On the bottom of the ocean, no light can reach into the deepest channels that lead the way to the center, the core, and yet once there, all the heat and light I need is present, waiting. There is always light on the other side of darkness; treasure both, embrace and learn. 


Go into the darkness on my own 
and it will no longer be a threat -- Home.

Constriction

I feel constricted, the tight band of ropes around me invisible but squeezing the air out of me until I am rigid and emaciated from lack of oxygen and free will.

I feel the pain from lack of movement, hot tears of frustration sting my eyes and a groan escapes my throat and hurtles its way upward in desperation out of my mouth.

Caught in a vice of my own memories, I can't move. Wrapped in the grip of a life chosen, I feel trapped.

I feel my stomach cramp and my heart flutter weakly like the wings of a wren too long struggling against the tangled limbs of the fallen tree.

The more I resist, the stronger the web, as I feel my life draining away.

I call out, finally, for help. I go within and see the tiniest ember glowing deeply, almost hidden. She holds the spark ever so gently, in the palm of Her hand, offering it as a light in the dark, and I see the shades of yellow, red, orange and the steady pulse. I feel my fluttering heart align itself with the rhythm of the Light.

And then my breath relaxes, deepening. I feel some of the pressure release and the bands loosen. There. I feel Her presence, She didn't leave, She wasn't gone at all. I thought I lost my Self, but no, only faded into the cave where She was safe and secure from the vice, waiting, loving gently.

I breathe and with every inhale so slow and soft, the restriction is expanded a bit, stretched. With every exhale, I can move a little more. I smile, barely, in relief.

I know these feelings. I've been here before. But those are memories and their ropes are frayed and fragile; they can no longer bind me unless I let them, unless I repair them. I won't though. Because now I am free to fly with Her in our sky of infinite joy.

And now the bands of rope are sagging, threads separating, and I can move my arms and legs, I wiggle my fingers and toes as the circulation returns, tingling, pulsing with the same rhythm of the ember that ignited my re-visioning of Her and my Self and all that is wondrously Divine in my life.

I am realization in the making, as the vice springs open without the resistance needed to reinforce its constricting energy.

We are free!

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Wise One

She gives freely and openly, offering all that She is and has. I move toward the Wise One, Her face the measure of time and compassion, a bit of sadness etched within the lines of love, and yet peace radiates from Her hands and heart. She sees the violence and Her face sags, the skin pulling down upon itself from the weight, yet still She gives abundantly, always willing to embrace errors or anger. I feel no judgment from Her, only a desire to heal the wounds of the world, my wounds. She brings the fires of light and transformation. I move into Her and She welcomes me, we are one, and I see through Her eyes, my heart aching until I feel the light, I connect with Her fully and from above a light descends meeting the light that is growing within, and spreading, until we are One.

But even beyond what I perceive as our Oneness, the light expands in a rainbow, arching over our entire world, bringing color and delight, passion and love, the rainbow never wavering and always there for us to see the tremendous diversity. So many blessings all around us. We don't need to go 'somewhere over the rainbow' but look where we are and the light is here, the love is here. She brings us the rainbow in Her hands, She creates rainbows in our lives each moment. I see my own rainbow, is it full or half or double?! A low arch or high right now? Is it hiding in the mist or blazing across the sky?!

Her wise and wizened visage emerges from the darkness where all is quiet and peaceful, awaiting the return. She is emerging from the grotto. See Her there in Her earthen cloak with the fiery seams and the crystalline embroidery as she floats and shimmers? A cave, a portal, a watery womb of love from whence she comes in guises I can relate to, shifting in and out of form like a leaf twirling in the breeze, only to settle when I am ready to awaken. Then She brings forth the gifts I need, Her wisdom, Her strength of purpose, Her light and passionate love birthed into my being like the lightening zigzagging through my body and soul when we merge and I trust and love and accept for when I open and we become the One we always are and always will be, I am at peace.

She comes from the grave, from the flowers.

She comes from darkest night and sun-filled skies.

I do not fear her when she calls to me from the dark because that is where we wrap ourselves together within a blanket of dreams and endless possibilities. In her cave is where we manifest the shadows of what is to come. Abundance! Anything and everything is already here! She helps me see the gifts are always available.

She is grandmother of grandmothers, giving Her life to me. Again I move to embrace and accept as we dance our cycles together. She is the dark one filled with the light of the Infinite in Her soft smile.

Form is nothing but a doorway into Being.

From the Crone comes rebirth; the Hag lights the way.

______________

Once I finished my stream of consciousness writing upon the image drawn at random, I found the image particularly striking in its synchronicity, because I recognized that She was one of the many faces of Holy Mother, Tara, the Divine Feminine ... offering Herself to me this morning as I sat down to type and realized that I had missed the second part of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes' "Untie The Strong Woman" audio webinar last night! I was so tired last night that I went to bed at 9 o'clock which was when the live presentation was to begin, completely escaping my conscious memory, and yet, on an energy level I apparently connected with Her and the women sitting in Her space (along with CPE), so this morning She made Her presence known to me. I'm so grateful for this clear reminder of how we are all One.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Of Caves and Mountains

Lying in bed this morning, I pulled the covers over my head and thought about how much I like huddling in the darkness, curled up into fetal position, held within the warm, dark, soft, soothing nest, no external impressions hurtling at me. (I can sometimes feel that way during Sadhana or after Yoga practice where I’m still, quiet, deeply within.) It’s sublime to sink into the dark, the earth, the rock, to feel the closeness of the ground, the elements that nurture. In my mind, that’s where I am. Yet, on top of a mountain, I revel in the contrast of being able to sense so deeply, while also to feel so exuberant, where all is open and wide and infinite in possibility and ever so limitless, unbounded, and unrestricted where I can soar...and then come back to rest in my cave.

I skim over the-in-between that feels so temporary and transitional, while cave and mountain top bring the extremes of pure sensation and connection. The-in-between feels rushed and hectic and lacking in reality, like just passing through, but the opposites are incredible and like a Cave Swiftlet, I often swoop back and forth betwixt them without tasting the-in-between, without staying long enough to be pummeled by the pressures and chaos and intensity of the heat which is always uncomfortable, the fire and water, mixing but not mixing, straining and pulling, and sharp, feeling like knives that pierce and weight that sinks and constricts and drowns all the air from my body, yet the light above, on the mountain top is purely refreshing, nourishing, providing the light I need to rise up, and the dark cave in which I nest, that cradles and protects, is nurturing, safe, rejuvenating.

______________

Cave Swiftlets (one variety of which there are many)

I saw these amazing little fork-tailed birds (some have a square tail) on one of the nature shows a long while back; they are delightful, and I do hope that that governments start monitoring more closely the harvesting of their ‘edible-nests’ so that the birds don’t become endangered.