New Arrival!

This is the newest arrival in our little mixed-species family, and she's absolutely adorable, isn't she?!

Death Comes Suddenly

Phoenix - June 18, 2006 to January 27, 2018

The following was written in sections through the years; it is provided here as a memorial to our happy-go-lucky Phoenix, who died Saturday, January 27, 2018.

# # #

What a little treasure! He's the newest canine addition to our family, having been adopted at ten weeks old on August 27, 2006. This little guy was very mild-mannered and an absolute joy to integrate into the rest of our dog and cat family group. As you can see from his puppy photos, his ears took longer to come up than Pooka’s did! It had been six years since I had a puppy to raise so I totally loved every single minute -- even his crying when he was in his crate!

    The decision to get a Cardi pup instead of a Pem was not easy; we had considered another Pem from Pooka's breeder (because we love Pooka so much) earlier in the year but the timing of that litter wasn't right for us. That inadvertent delay allowed us to revisit our concerns with the process of docking dogs' tails and, therefore, provided us with the opportunity to get a Cardi instead for our second Corgi. We love our Pooka to pieces! However, we decided to try a Cardi and see what their personalities were like, as we already loved their appearance as well. I'd been told that they're a bit more mellow in some ways than the Pems, so it was extra fascinating raising our little Phoenix.

    Initially, I contacted Cardi breeders just to meet the breed and not to get a puppy! HA! Silly me ... as if I could do that! And Ron thinks Corgis are the best dogs ever so he was no deterrent at all. Interestingly enough, although I was thinking last Spring that we ought to get a boy puppy whenever it happened, when I talked with the Cardi breeder, I asked if they had a girl available (just curious, of course). They did and so when I was driving up for a visit, my mind was on possibly getting a girl puppy...even though I knew that I needed to keep an open mind about the girl and the boy that they had available. And wasn’t really intending to get a puppy at all right then. As it turns out, the minute I met Phoenix ... I was lost ... I fell head over heels in absolute love with this charming fella! LOL The girl, while a real cutie-pie, was not the personality I was seeking and I wasn't drawn to her the way I was to Phoenix -- and him to me. I felt Phoenix was meant to come live with us.

    Phoenix' registered name is: Blue Wagn Maxillaria Phoenix. The "maxillaria" part is in honor of this being one of the "Orchid Litter" for the breeder Lucybell Roessiger; I went searching on the internet and found there is an orchid called Maxillaria phoenicanthera that is a lovely golden color with a touch of white. It seemed appropriate since we had already chosen his name as Phoenix.

    As most people know, the Phoenix, originally from Egyptian mythology, is a sacred 'firebird' with extremely long life who can be reborn after its death (immortality and resurrection); it is believed by some that this myth derived from the "death" and "rebirth" of our planet's Sun during a Solar Eclipse. The Phoenix' plumage is bright gold and red as it is historically a Sun Bird; depending upon what source one reads, the plumage can also include purple and azure. Everything came together in perfect synchronicity for both our adoption of Phoenix as well as his naming. Ron is the one who found and liked the name Phoenix...and as soon as he suggested it to me, I knew instantly that it was perfect for our new little boy. 

# # #

    Phoenix has grown up so fast!!! He's a sweet, lovable, mellow, charming fellow; while he loves a good romp in the yard and thoroughly enjoys our long walks, he's also already becoming quite the couch potato and will settle beautifully on the couch or a dog bed. When he gets excited, though, he loves to nip the heels of Morgana and Chiana...which they dislike, of course! And that can start a ruckus! LOL While Phoenix and Pooka are still not “buddies,” Pooka at least now tolerates Phoenix. Phoenix has learned to retrieve as long as I stay excited about the game. And he rides in the back seat of our KIA (when he was little, he always rode with his harness on - secure and helped with training), while Pooka still rides in the front passenger seat. 

    From the very first, Morgana (our Smooth Collie) took on the role of 'nanny' to Phoenix (just as she had with Pooka) and they're great playmates for each other; she was incredibly gentle with him when he was so tiny, although now they play quite a bit rougher together. Phoenix was a remarkably easy-going chap to get along with even as a 7 month old puppy. At  a little over 6 months old, I couldn't stand the separation at night any longer and so finally allowed him to sleep on the bed - oh how he does love it still! 

    There is a quite humorous essay written called The Truth About ... Corgis and my, oh my, is it ever true! While I’m a total Corgi Convert (sorry Collies, but you’re too big and have too much hair for this woman to want to deal with anymore! LOL), I have to confess that there are so many truths in that essay, including, the line that these dogs “have a tendency toward something called megalomania”. Much in this essay describes perfectly the relationship I see between Phoenix and Pooka (although, to be honest, it describes Pooka's temperament more than that of Phoenix). I mean, come on, is the bone the other dog has REALLY all that much better?! LOL Phoenix has been seen to put three bones in his mouth at one time in order to keep them away from the other dogs, while Pooka sounds like a rabid Badger trying to steal one or keep it away from Phoenix! I could go on and on about this behavior which is at one time completely hysterical and at another can be annoying as all get out (when one is trying to concentrate).

    Anyway, suffice it to say that we adore Phoenix and trust that he will bring us joy and laughter for many years! LOL

# # #

     The move to Arizona in 2011 was easy for Phoenix; he doesn’t seem to care where we are as long as we are all together and enjoys our long walks together. As he matures, he is getting a little more bossy with Pooka as they jostle for alpha position, but otherwise he is still extremely easy-going, enjoys brief snuggles and exploring new sights. Phoenix and Pooka could usually be found sharing the same bed, blanket, or couch, or lying next to each other in the yard or on the floor, in spite of their sometimes contentious relationship. When Pooka died in September 2014, it was clear that Phoenix mourned the loss of his long-time buddy, so we did our best to help him through the process.

Pooka (L) & Phoenix (R)

    The move to Missouri in 2015 was also simple for Phoenix. He truly takes everything in stride, with good humor. He has always been fantastic -- and patient -- with the little stray Chihuahua (named Widget) that we had adopted in February 2014. Phoenix has never been aggressive (even when play-scrapping with Pooka); it’s not in his nature. He might try to be possessive of toys, but never in a violent manner like some dogs. Not a cuddle-dog (brief cuddles suited him but not longer), Phoenix needed to always be in the same room with me but as long as he could observe me, that was enough for him. The herding instinct in him emerged as watchfulness, rather than the need to control.

    Sadly, in November 2017, Phoenix was diagnosed with Lymphoma. We chose to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as we could maintain a good quality of life for him (usually, the time frame for this cancer is fairly rapid in dogs). By mid-January, we sensed his time was approaching when a decision would have to be made. However, Phoenix really took the choice out of our hands; during the last week of January, he seemed to go off his food a little and was more tired, and then, Saturday morning about 2am, his system basically crashed. It was clear that an organ had ruptured (or something similarly sudden) and he was in rapid decline. I scrambled to locate a vet that would make an emergency house call for euthanasia and found one. By late evening, within less than 24 hours of his collapse, my sweet, gentle Phoenix was gone.

Phoenix (with Widget in background)

    I am having a difficult time coming to terms with the loss of Phoenix since he was not even 12 years old; I had expected him to live at least a couple more years as he had always seemed so sturdy, healthy, and hardy. But, we just never know, do we? One would have thought that I had thoroughly learned that lesson; Phoenix is my 8th dog to die in my arms. 

Sunbathing in Winter

The dogs are sunbathing and I am enjoying, finally, the view from upstairs again. The last time I was upstairs, the leaves were still green!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

With Kindly Eyes

Look back on Time, with kindly eyes — 

He doubtless did his best — 

How softly sinks that trembling sun

In Human Nature’s West — 

~ Emily Dickinson (#1478)

We need a more compassionate view of all humans; where the focus is upon small gestures and we see with Kindly Eyes. We need compassion for ourselves, too. 

And yet, I judge myself as harshly as I do others, never putting myself aside from what “we” have done to the world, recognizing my part in the actions of my species: war, violence, projection. We keep repeating in spite of reflection and philosophy and waking up to our responsibilities. This huge unwieldy machine of the over-culture taints my every effort until all I want to do is disappear into folds of paper where possibility emerges. 

I get further behind with every step I take and Time is always cutting me off at the pass, making sure I don’t cross into the other realm. Maybe in my next life will be Peace? That’s something hopeful to consider. On the other hand, if I cannot help us shift our trajectory, if I cannot be part of the solution, will I find my next life a horror? Am I doing my best or hiding? Is solitude equal to my best effort? Am I enough? Am I doing enough? How do I lift up my Self toward a kinder life? Has my writing helped or hindered me or someone else? So many questions. I know nothing. That is my new beginning each time I collapse inward. Ask and open, listen.

Sit right here rest your bones. No one's ever so alone. 

You can take the world down off your shoulders.

I don't know why and how. All I know is here and now.

You can take the world down off your shoulders.

~ Carrie Newcomer (lyrics from “Angels Unaware” on the album Kindred Spirits: A Collection)

Out of the midst of my confusion, a warm little fellow curls up on my lap and my heart fills with love. This. This response of love is what keeps me going. When I feel my heart swell with love, it’s okay. I can get through another day. I say grace.

Will O' the Wisp

In Memory of Pooka*

October 22, 2000 - September 10, 2014

My dear little Pooka The Perfect Puppy! Okay, so I was a bit partial from the get-go; I'd been hearing about him from the breeder since the day he was born. I drove up from our home in Maine to just outside Quebec City – in December during a snow storm -- to adopt the wee fella at 8 weeks old and he’s been a dream dog! He was easy to raise, to housetrain, to teach, to love, to live with – he got along with everyone, didn’t bark too much, rode with me in the car absolutely everywhere while in Maine, greeted new people with enthusiasm, and was a pure joy that brightened every day. His Daddy said that Pooka was a Momma’s Boy and…okay, he was! He was completely adorable, and everyone loved meeting him.

Day 1 with Pooka

He had his quirks that made him all the more special ...

My Little Prince

I'm free from classes and studies for the summer!

I've no idea if I will return to UA in the fall, but it's been an interesting experience.

My Latin Final was yesterday; this week is for decompressing.
Let the recovery begin!
And my little prince is happy to show me how to do just that.

Staying

Hooray! He's staying!

Yes, our little foundling is now a permanent member of our family. One week ago, it became official although I was quite nervous at the time.

Long-story-short…six days after I found the little guy and had done my due diligence, the owners called. ACK! When I asked the father of the two boys why it took him nearly a week to call, he nonchalantly said "oh, he runs away all the time." Apparently, the man has two young boys and they are currently living with his mother; they got the dog from a friend of a friend a while back but the boys couldn't remember to shut doors and gates. Plus, the dog is not neutered which most people know contributes to the strong desire to roam. The man said he had told the boys how dangerous it was for the dog to get out, but they're kids and couldn't remember to keep the dog safe inside. I mentioned again how I'd been caring for the little guy for the week, and agreed with how dangerous running loose in the streets was. The man said, "You got attached, didn't you?" I agreed, my throat tight. Anyway, he said, "let me talk with the boys." Fifteen minutes later, while I was in tears at the thought of having to return this adorable dog that had already stolen my heart, the owner called back and said that the boys wanted the dog safe, so they agreed that I could keep him! All the boys wanted was to be able to meet me and say goodbye to the dog. We met at a local park where I reassured the boys that I would have the dog neutered and keep the little guy safe. The boys--about 9 and 10, I'd guess--were very calm, really. I was surprised, but my impression was that while they "owned" the dog, they weren't that attached to him.

So…YAY! Not only do I get to keep Widget (his proper full name is Widget The Magic Bean) as a wonderful companion, but I also don't have to worry about mysterious owners someday showing up and trying to take him away.

He has settled into our home beautifully, and has very few habits that need to be reformed. One habit is that he's not very well house-trained so if I can't watch him like a hawk, we're using the "umbilical" method (i.e. his leash is attached to my waist, which is a training technique I learned a couple puppies ago) or he's in the ex-pen with some chew-toys. He and Phoenix play extremely well together, while Pooka (the old guy at 14) pretty much just ignores Widget. Which is a huge relief because I didn't want for Pooka to be stressed out by a new addition. Widget and I visited the vet last Friday for an exam, and he is scheduled to be neutered during Spring Break.

Happiness all around! Woohoo! 

Foundling

Uh-oh. While driving home from school yesterday, there was a little dog wandering in the middle of the street, nearly getting hit as he was clearly clueless with zero street savvy. I stopped in the road, turning on my flashers, halting the traffic behind me (yes, I've done this before!) but was so close that I could no longer see the little dog and an impatient driver behind me passed in the right lane and my heart jumped into my throat! However, as I tried to get a glimpse of the dog, a car in the oncoming lane stopped beside me, and the older male driver, with an indulgent smile, kindly said "open your door." Sure enough, I opened my door and this little guy hopped into my outstretched hands!

I drove the rest of the way home with the dog kissing my arm and snuggled into my lap. Of course, I immediately posted "Found Dog" on craigslist and created some flyers. When DH got home, we drove down to that neighborhood and taped flyers for a couple blocks around the area where I'd found the dog. However, I received no phone calls, and this morning when I called the shelters to give them a "found dog" notice for their records, they'd had no inquiries. Really?! How can someone NOT be missing this charming fellow?!

Sharing

sometimes, no matter what we do, kids just won't share… LOL

P.S. A solstice blog is over at On The Gaia Path …
Happy Holidays, Holy Days, and Winter Days, Everyone!

Boys and Bones

the boys and their bones, sharing a blanket ... rare!

It is such a rarity for the boys to chew on their bones in close proximity that I had to snap a photo! And, for those of you who have asked (many thanks for your concern and good wishes!), Pooka is doing very well ... if someone didn't know of his condition, they would never guess by looking at him. :-)

Blood Flowing Into Forbidden Realms

Wikimedia Commons

Blood red and flowing from where it should not be and going into forbidden realms. A passage unauthorized yet still the intrusion happens, filling the space and crowding the individuals closer together in distress. 

Ungainly and rough, a limb reaches out to the side from a dis-eased trunk that isn’t supporting its needs and, feeling betrayed, is unable to offer further support in itself. 

Rivers of thick and thin, now thin and seeping into all the crevices once immune to its teasing, trickling until a shallow bowl is brimming with unfamiliar dampness and the slightest tilt spills the fluid into ever more channels. Mopping it up, the sponge turns from light pink to dark burgundy, saturated and with nowhere to release the excess, trying to transmute the glistening paint into other shapes and forms that might be useful -- a box, a triangle, a star.

As the red flows over its banks and slides down cracks that weren’t there before, the pace of the source begins to slow, falling into a stupor and not even possible to move. The rushing force that was rhythmic, begins to stutter, to drain, to disappear its vitality into the cracks and crevices. 

What we need is a new plan, to create a template to be overlaid so the stream knows the way home and the river tired of leaking can tumble once more in rapid joy around corners and up the neck of the beast. Running uphill where forbidden or welcome?

There isn’t any red mud in the yellow river anymore; all that’s left is the silt so light and thin that brings color but no substance, it is an illusion of the spectacular, pretending to be something that it no longer is.

And yet the whole still retains the song; the notes may be off-key or even dormant, non-vibrational, but they can be re-tuned and played into harmony if we just find the fork, the right one, the note. For the illusory fluid retains the memory of what it once was, it remembers how it used to flow thick and fast, filled with strength and depth where one could look into its center and see the nucleus of life, of renewal. I can see its reflection even now, the memories of play and vigor. Yet as long as the red river cascades out of bounds, he continues to weaken and falter. 

The boomerang has become a ball, not only taking up too much space but also not returning to its own sense of perspective, self and respect for duty; it’s pretending to be what it’s not, imagining itself another shape and needs to be reminded of who it really is, what its purpose remains to be. 

The magenta waterfall grows and expands, washing away the integrity of the clay and the walls, filling the cavity taut like a balloon of sludge rather than screening it. Exhaustion follows reluctantly, confused and dismayed, carried along a red current that divides and floods. 

Where’s the architect? Where are the plans? So many to choose from, and so I dig into the archives, reading, selecting scroll after scroll, ancient earth templates of health to be melded into the flood, where the vibrations will sink into alignment and somehow restore vitality, balance and ease.

Pooka

__________

The above is a reflective stream written four days ago regarding Pooka's sudden illness; a week ago, he collapsed and diagnostics were unclear as well as conflicting. The only thing we know for sure is that his spleen is enlarged by a mass, and there is internal bleeding so he is/was anemic. My thoughts during the reflection were from an energetic perspective, and were simply an attempt to align my own energy with his condition as I sought the appropriate Homeopathic remedies to support him. 

I'm happy to say that he is -- as of the past couple days -- alert, comfortable, and doing quite well all things considered. :-) 

The Guardian Part 5

Waiting. It’s that time of day where the sun is low over the far tree line, the orange light fading from the sky. And that means she’ll be here soon. So I sit. And wait. Someone yells at me from behind and across the yard, but I don’t even swivel an ear. I can see the parking lot from exactly here. In this spot, there’s a little hole in the bushes, so I know when she gets here. So, I sit. 

The nice woman who works here doesn’t usually make me come in with the other dogs anymore. I didn’t like it here at first. And when Rain walked off without me the first time, I howled and barked and cried all night until I my voice was only a whisper of sound. There was so much noise all around me with lots of unfamiliar dogs barking, and shiny metal gates clanging, and the feed pans would screech across the hard floor in my den and the others around me. At least until I learned to tune out the noise. 

I didn’t eat that night or the next morning and the nice woman with the round face and pink cheeks had to coax me out into the big grassy yard where she talked to me and petted me while we walked around. Well, she walked and I kept pulling back. I didn’t know her and she was pulling me away from the direction of the blue door and Rain. Where had Rain gone? Would she be back? She said she would and I tried to believe. But I was scared she had left me. How could we help each other if I’m left here without her?

But you know what? She did come back to me. The very next day near sundown, I heard Rain’s voice calling me from the doorway to the big yard and I ran full tilt into her nearly knocking her down. She sat on the ground right there, hugging me and laughing, as I licked her face and then tucked my nose into her armpit where I stayed for a long while, breathing in her scent so I wouldn’t forget her ever.

Rain stayed with me a long time. She talked and I listened, her voice once more the soothing song of gentle rainfall. But, before I was ready to be alone again, she stood up and said she had to go. She promised to return. She came back this time but what if she didn’t again? 

I stood on my hind legs when Rain stood up and I wrapped my front legs around one of hers, holding, whining. I saw her eyes begin to water and she kept talking, but I couldn’t understand her through my own fear. 

Well, that was a long time ago. A long time for a pup anyway. The moon has already gone missing, and then come back to grow big and round again a whole time. I’m already a little taller than I was when Rain brought me here. I’ve gotten used to the other dogs and noises and people. But right now I wait.

There! A familiar car shape pulls into the lot and I start to wiggle. I can’t help it. The door opens and Rain steps out. I bark as loud as I can. And bark again. She looks over toward me, though the bushes block most of her view. I see her smile. 

“Hi, baby!” Her voice is the best sound in the whole world. I circle and dance my feet until she goes in the blue door. Then I race over to the yard door, watching, barking, pacing. The door opens and Rain’s here!

“How’s my girl doing?” Rain asks me, kneeling and hugging me. I feel like she’s been gone forever instead of just a day. I sniff her, she pets me, hugging me close, kissing the top of my head while I try to lick her face. It’s a crazy fun time.

“I have a surprise for you. Really good news.” Her voice is a bit higher in pitch and she talks faster than usual.

“We’ve signed the papers and bought the house in the mountains. Next week I can bring you home to stay!” I’m not sure what all this stuff means yet, but Rain is really happy and excited so it must be good for both of us. Me, I’m just happy she’s here with me right now. I like when Rain is happy. That’s when we run around the yard playing tag or tug-of-war on a rope. She throws balls for me, too, but I don’t go after them because they take me away from her.

She’s not always happy when she comes, though. Those times I cuddle up next to her. Sometimes she’s droopy and her whole body sighs and she talks about how things aren’t the way she thought they would be. Sometimes her body is tense and sort of pulled in on itself and she cries. Those are the worst, and I get as close to her as I can. When that happens, we just sit off in a corner in the big grassy yard. I snuggle and lay my chin on her leg or tuck my head in between her arm and side, while she strokes my head, caresses my ears, and sinks her slender fingers into my thick fur, kneading muscles. I like her touch and our closeness seems to help. She’s usually smiling near the end of her visit. 
Once in a while, I get a Big Reward and she attaches the red leash to my collar and takes me with her in the car where we go and have adventures. But we always end up back here.

“So, it’s the weekend. Where shall we go?”

Weekend! That’s it. That’s the word she says when I get to go in the car with her and do something fun. The Big Reward. We have adventures like going to the forest to hike trails for hours. So many smells that my nose gets tired.

A couple of times we drove to a brick building in the town, and I had to be very quiet.

“No dogs are allowed in the apartments,” Rain said, her brows drawn together a little as she talked to me in a low, firm voice. “You have to be really quiet, and if you are, then you can stay with me tonight, all night long. Since you-know-who is working, you can come in.”

Those times were great. I would climb the stairs with her and go into the rooms that smelled like Rain and yummy food and rabbit and birds. I think the rabbit is very interesting. Rain is teaching me that the rabbit is part of our family. That’s what she says. And we don’t hurt family. I’m still a little confused about it, because I remember chasing a rabbit in the fields where I used to live, but I try to pay attention and learn the rules. The two tiny birds just scatter seeds all over the table and I’m too short to see them very well.

There was another human scent there, too. And I’ve met him. I don’t like him very much. He reminded me of Big Man. They don’t look the same but I could feel anger in the man with the short black hair and intense dark eyes. Wolfie whispers in my head to be careful, possible danger, so I held back from Dark Man. I still don’t much like men anyway. And I didn’t like how Rain acted when the man was around. She would glance at him constantly, always looking to see how he was acting, and she kept me on my leash. 

But the Dark Man was only there the once for a short bit. Rain said he had to go to work. His shirt and pants were the same dark color with a stripe down the side of his pant leg. And he put around his waist a thick leather belt with lots of metal on it. The last thing he did was put a gun into the leather. I knew the word ‘gun’ because I remembered Big Man had one. Big Man used to get his gun when he said he was going hunting. But Big Man’s gun was long while this gun was short. 

But right now, Rain is pulling the red leash out of her back pocket. I circle around her feet, and she laughs.

“Where shall we go today, Kiki?” 

That’s the other name she calls me. It’s a new name. Rain said I needed a proper name, that’s what she told me when she started using the new word. I’m getting used to it. Doesn’t matter to me what she calls me as long as I get to stay with her.

-- to be continued -- 

The Guardian Part 4

I wait in the small, dark room feeling miserable. Where has she gone? I got too nervous and the smell is nearly overwhelming. I shiver. I’m all alone with only the silence of brick and wood to hear my cries. How long have I been here? What’s that? That’s her voice! I stand and bark, I paw at the door.

The door opens and I crawl over to Rain. 

“Oh, baby.”

She’s back. She came back! Is she mad at me? I cry and, as she kneels on the floor, I scramble into her lap. She hugs me tight and I tuck my nose into her armpit.

“I’m sorry you were scared, but I couldn’t take you home with me. It was only a couple hours but it must have seemed like forever to you.”

Rain’s voice is shaking and I lift my head to lick the salty wetness from her cheeks. She smiles and I know for sure she’s not mad. 

“Let’s go outside and then we can get this cleaned up before anyone else gets to work.”

I’m all wiggles now as she puts my new leash on the collar. I pull ahead toward the sunlight I see at the end of the hall. It’s just a crack of yellow where someone propped the door open but I smell the morning calling in cheerful notes of greeting. Rain talks to one of the men who always speaks in a calm voice to me.

“Thanks, Tom, for opening the door.”

“You bet. Figured some fresh air would help clear out the stink. Did she make a big mess in the bathroom?”

“Yeah. But it’ll be easy to clean.”

“Poor pup.”

“I was here working until nearly three this morning, but I couldn’t take her home with me. He would have been furious.”

“It’s okay. No one else will be here for another hour or so.” The man’s voice was fading as we headed out the door. 

Rain follows me as I pull ahead of her across the hard pavement to the wonderful grass and weeds. I squat and pee. I’m surprised I have any left. I thought it all came out in the room when I was all alone. 

“Good girl. Good potty.”

Well, at least Rain is happy with me out here. I’m so hungry. I run up to Rain now that I’ve peed, eager to have breakfast and play. She lets me go to the end of the leash and we walk all over the field. I breathe in the dawn, so cool and crisp and full of smells. Soon though -- too soon because I wasn’t done sniffing at the hold I found -- we began walking back to the big building. I started to lag behind. Was Rain going to put me in the dark room again? I sit down and the leash goes straight between us. Rain stops and comes back to me. I just stare at her. 

“Okay, listen. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do last night.”

She wasn’t mad. Her voice was soft and light, and she sat down on the curb to talk to me.

“I have a plan now. Not a great one. But it’s the best I can come up with. You’re just going to have to trust me, baby.”

I listen. And I sit as close to her as I can get, my chin on her knee as she pets me. She sinks her fingers into my fur. I relax a little. Okay. I can do this. I can be brave. The tip of my tail taps the concrete, and Rain smiles.

“Good girl.” She puts both hands on my face and rubs the base of my ears. I groan in pleasure. 

Rain then attaches the leash to her belt loop, and pulls a handful of kibble from her coat pocket. She calls the leash our umbilical. I don’t know that word, but I can sense safety and connection. So it’s good. I think it means she doesn’t want to lose me, and I trot along with her. 

I let my thoughts rest and just tag along wherever she goes, sniffing and watching. Back and forth we go. Rain gets a bucket, and some other things, from a musty smelling closet. Then she goes into the dark room where I made the stinky mess. I halt and sit just outside the door. I sure am glad that I don’t have to go back in there. Bad place.

* *

I feel good. I’m stretched out on my side, nearly dreaming. This was a nice day. I stayed with Rain or under her desk most of the time and I watched all the people and machines. No one paid me any attention. I guess they were used to me already. This is way better than being on the farm with Big Man. I kind of miss running loose in the fields after the cattle, but that wasn’t very often and I’m already forgetting those beasts with their clumsy, slow way of not going where I wanted them to go. And sometimes they would snort and kick at me with their hind legs when I got too close. I always had to watch them carefully. So maybe I don’t miss them. This is better.

Oh good! Food again. I alert and sit up. Rain laughs. I notice that whenever Rain eats, I get to. Not the same food thought. She gives me yummy crunchy nuggets while she eats gooey food out of a paper bag. Her food smells different than mine. I don’t complain, though. I eat what she gives me. Then I stare at her while she eats. I don’t whine, just stare. She smiles and, once in a while, gives me a tiny bit of her own food. I take whatever she gives me carefully out of her hand as I don’t want to hurt her. She always tells me how good I am.

“Okay, baby, it’s five o’clock. Time to go.”

That word “go” is one I know. I jump to my feet and wag my tail. I think it’s time for The Plan. Rain told me about it but I didn’t understand most of what she said. But I trust her. 

* *

Oh no. I stare straight ahead. The noise of lots of dogs barking is making me curious. I can’t see any of them, but I know they are just beyond the trees. But my belly is all twisty from the ride in the car. Rain had put the window down for me but I still don’t feel good. I don’t think I like this place. Why are we here?

We both sit here in our seats and I can feel Rain’s sadness. It’s like waves flowing over me. She pushes the fingers of her right hand into the thick fur around my shoulders and rubs. I feel taut nerves sending little sparks off her fingertips. 

“I hate to do this, baby, but it’s the only option.”

I hear the constriction in her voice, and I put my ears flatter on my head. I don’t care at all about the other dogs now. I only want to be with Rain. I start to tremble.

“We better get this over with.”

Rain sighs and opens her door. She swings her legs out and stands. I scoot across from my seat to hers very fast to follow her, but she’s quick, too.

“Hold on!”

With one hand she holds my collar and the other snaps the leash onto it. Good. I like the leash because it connects me to her. I hop out of the car as she steps back. We walk toward a wood building, the sound of the car door slamming behind us is loud as a shot. I slink along next to her legs. I’d sit down and refuse to go further but I don’t know where I am. And I don’t want her to leave me here in the dirt driveway. 

Together, we head for the big blue door.

~ to be continued ~

The Guardian Part 3

I barked once and felt my ears lay flat as my voice echoed out and up to the ceiling. The space where Rain brought me was a long table against a wall. She had looped a line around my neck. I could have told her she didn’t need to. I wasn’t going anywhere without her. 

“Now, baby, you have to be quiet for a bit. I have to get some work done.”

Her hand stroked my head. I sat on her foot nearest me and kept watch. The bread and water earlier on the steps had settled my tummy, and the hum of equipment was causing my eyelids to droop. Lots of strange noises here, but Rain was calm. I didn’t think any of the weird objects would hurt me if I stayed close to her. She began tapping her fingers very fast on a piece of plastic on the table, and I sensed her focus turn away from me. I shifted a little more of my body onto her feet, leaning against her legs. I was so tired. Before I knew it, I was lying on her feet. Still watchful though. I didn’t want to fall asleep. Once in a while, a man would come near Rain to talk. I would growl, a low rumble. 

“You’re safe. He’s fine.” Rain’s gentle voice reassured me. Okay. As long as the men didn’t reach toward me or Rain. That was okay.

Rain stood up and walked across the room. Was she leaving me? I scrambled to my feet and whined. I wanted to follow but the line kept me near the table. I whined louder and struggled a little, starting feel panic racing into my feet from my chest. I licked my mouth, then turned my head to bite at the line. 

“Shush now. I’m right here.”

Rain pulled my attention to her as she spoke from across the room. Her voice wasn’t loud so I don’t think she was angry. And her voice didn’t shake so I don’t think she was panicking like me. I stopped squirming as she continued to talk softly in the distance. I just listened to the rhythm of her voice soothing my nerves. I could feel the thread of energy between us flowing steady and sure. I lifted my nose a little and caught her scent as the breeze from an opening door drifted my way then traveled on down the shadowy hall.

The morning continued in this pattern. And I started to feel okay when Rain would get up to walk around the room. Once, though, she walked down the hall into a room where I couldn’t see her and when I heard a door shut, I freaked out. I started barking, lunging and then biting at the line. Where did she go? Quick as a flash of light from the sky, Rain came running back to me as the door slammed behind her and a loud male voice yelled.

“Sorry, Bill.” Rain raised her voice louder than normal. But then she hugged me close to her.

“I’m sorry, baby. You can some with me.”

I followed her into a small, windowless room and stood anxiously as the door closed us inside. She messed with her clothes and, wait, I smelled urine. We weren’t outside and there wasn’t any dirt. Why was she peeing here? Is this where I am supposed to pee, too? I looked at the floor, then stared at Rain and tilted my head sideways. She laughed. I liked how she laughed a lot with me. I wagged my tail, then sniffed all along the tile floor, the walls, the metal pipes, and the shiny white ‘bucket’ she was sitting on. I sneezed as a strong odor burned my delicate nose on its inside. Sneezed again.

“Oops. Must be the ammonia the janitor uses, huh?”

I didn’t much like this room, but if Rain was here, I would deal with it. 

“Okay. Let’s go see if we can find your family.”

Rain untied the line from the table leg and we were out in the sunshine real fast. Cold, fresh air tickled my face. Joy! And soon, dry brown grass was prickling under my paws. I could pee. Joy! I kept my eyes on Rain but I really did need to pee, squatting and letting loose a flood. 

“Good girl!”

All I did was pee, but Rain was using a happy, high-pitched voice so I guess I did good. I wiggled all over and she was laughing and rubbing me up and talking. Talking to me! She was treating me like I was important. Strange but made me feel really good. And safe.

We walked across a big field to another parking lot but this one was much bigger than the one where Rain’s building was. And lots of noisy cars and trucks were moving around. Voices were loud and all mixed up, running together, and I couldn’t understand any words. I stayed close to Rain’s legs, my tail tucked up under my belly. I didn’t like this place either. So I stuck with Rain.

“Here we are.”

Opening a door that I almost ran into -- I would have if Rain hadn’t pulled back on the line just in time, because I could see through to the other side -- we walked into a building that smelled great. Food smells were everywhere and other dogs had been here, too. Rain laughed as my nose went to the floor and stayed there as I sniffed and wobbled and darted here and all over. She just followed me. Once, I almost forgot about her and scared myself. My toenails scrabbled on the slippery floor as a skidded back around a corner that hid her from my view for a minute. She knelt and gave me a hug. 

“It’s okay. I’m here, baby.”

A wall of leather and cloth loops, all sizes and colors, loomed ahead. A short woman with stinky shoes walked over and stretched her hand out to me but I shrank back and hid behind Rain. The two of them started talking. I stretched my nose toward the woman’s shoes. Not cow. Horse. Rain was telling Stinky Shoes about finding me. I started sniffing again. I felt better when no one tried to touch me. Except Rain. I loved it when she touched me.

“Hey, baby, how about this one?”

Rain knelt and put a pretty red collar around my neck. It jingled when the matching lead was attached to it. I liked it because it was wide and easy on my neck. Big Man used to just loop a chain around my neck. That was yucky. This is nice, though. 

“Look how pretty you are!”

Rain was happy and that made me wag my tail. I almost bowed to her, but caught myself. Maybe she wouldn’t like that. Big Man never did. But both Rain and Stinky Shoes were making over me. I hovered between liking the attention and being nervous because they were staring at me. Big Man used to ignore me except when I got to work the cattle. Me and Crazy Ass -- that’s what he called the other dog who was older than me and grumpy, who walked with a limp -- got to go out and bring in the cows regular. Big Man once said I was “a natural.” It sounded like a good thing but I got dumped anyway. But I like Rain ever so much better so I don’t want to mess up and have to go somewhere else. So I watched Rain closely, trying to please her. 

I discovered that life moves very fast off the farm. Rain stopped a minute and gave some papers to Stinky Shoes. The machine Stinky Shoes tapped on made bell noises that jarred my taught nerves. I was happy when Rain rushed me out of there, carrying a small bag, but leaving behind a paper that I saw the woman putting in the window.

“That’s you, baby. I don’t know if someone is looking for you or not. But I have a plan if they aren’t. Don’t you worry.” Rain patted me on my side and, with her lips puckered, made a noise that sounded sort of like the ground squirrels that used to tease me. Funny for her to do that but it got my attention quickly.

“This way. We still have to get to the vet’s office down the street before my lunch hour is up.”

Uh-oh. I recognize that word -- vet. Yuck. 

The rest of the day passed in a whirl of sights and sounds. Men started coming back to the building so I scrunched up under the table with just my chin on Rain’s feet. She couldn’t pet me easily but I could breathe in her scent so I was okay. My hip itched from a sharp prick I got at the vet’s office but I didn’t yelp when it happened. Rain had cooed at me, and kissed my face. 

One time, the machine on the table rang and she picked up the plastic bone, putting it to her ear and mouth. Was she going to chew on it? No. An angry, loud voice seemed to be coming from inside the bone and I felt my hackles rise. It didn’t make sense. Where was the person? Whatever it was, Rain’s heart rate increased, and I could smell fear seeping from her skin. Her voice wasn’t the same as when she talked to me. 

“I have to work late ... no, I won’t bring her home ... I know they don’t allow dogs ... did you hear back from the realtor?”

I tried to hear the words coming out of the bone but they were hard to understand because Wolfie was warning me to be careful. I kept nudging Rain’s thigh with my nose and she seemed to relax just a bit by sinking her fingers into my fur. I licked her wrist. She was helping me. I knew I could help her, too. We had to stick together.

~ to be continued ~ 

The Guardian, Part 2

free photo © Ichtor | Dreamstime.com

I watch the door as men come and go, the sun soon high overhead but not very hot. Too soon to be hot outside, the grass and weeds were still brown and brittle. But I’m thirsty and panting, my tongue hanging out one side, because it’s been ages since I had a drink from that mud puddle. One of the noisy men had placed a tin pan nearby with water in it, but he put it on the concrete. I wouldn’t have any cover. Too exposed. I tried to be patient. I had learned a lot about patience back at the farm. Wolfie said that someone in that building was my purpose, and Wolfie hadn’t guided me wrong yet. We had learned a lot together. And so I watched the door. 

Click. That got my attention. The door cracked open and I heard voices whispering. They probably thought I couldn’t hear them but my ears pricked forward--I had big ears for my size--and the words were clear.

“Where is it?”

I trembled. Such a soft, sweet voice. The voice of a female.

“There. See. By the edge of the concrete along the back, near the yellow parking stop. Near the open space. Pup is in the weeds. Black face.”

“Oh, I see it. Poor thing.”

“Won’t come to any of us. But we stopped parking the trucks there hoping not to scare it away.”

I kept my gaze steady. Could I catch the woman’s glance? So far, the two females I’d met were better than the men. 

Big Man lived with Wild Hair. My names for them. They never seemed to call each other by just one name so I wasn’t sure who they were. But Wild Hair never tried to hit or kick me. And sometimes, when Big Man had driven away in his truck and left me at the farm, Wild Hair would come out to where I was chained and give me a bit of sale bread soaked in bacon grease. Oh my. I thought life was good then. She didn’t ever say much, but once in a while ... I sighed at the fond memory ... Wild Hair would squat down and gently rub my ears and scritch me under the chin. I would wiggle and wine and, once, she almost smiled through the dirty lines on her splotchy face. But a noise, I think once of the chickens must have pecked at a rusty tin can, that noise startled Wild Hair and she jumped to her feet and scurried back to the house.

The other female I’d met was a small one and more fun, but she could hurt me sometimes, too. I don’t think she meant to, but she did. This other female was little, only as tall as Big Man’s waist, and he laughed often when she was visiting. A black, clunky car that was very loud would stop at the mailbox, a back door would open, and she would sort of slide off the back seat, then slam the door shut and stare as the car sped off in a cloud of dust. Her shoulders would slump and she would trudge down the dirty driveway. 

Her first visit--I wasn’t much of a dog yet, and was still stupid, that’s what Big Man said--Girl was very kind and we had a lot of fun. She would toss a stick and I would race to get it and jump on her when I brought it back. Oh, she laughed and it sounded like sunshine on a spring day. But, after a while, Big Man came out of the house and saw us. 

“No!” 

Uh, oh. Big Man’s face was way redder than usual and his eyebrows were in one frazzled line across the top of his head. My ears flattened and I tucked my tail and waited. Running was worse than waiting, because I couldn’t run very far for long. At least I’d learned that much even if I was still stupid. 

“That one’s a working dog, girl. Don’t play with her. Make her behave. Like this.”

Big Man yanked me by my tattered collar until I was sitting.

“Stay.”

I was very still. But then Girl giggled and began petting me and I got all wiggly and tried to lick her hands that tasted of cookies and sour milk.

“No!”

What came next was bad. I try not to think about it. Girl still would visit sometimes, but she did what Big Man told her to. I don’t think she liked it when he put on angry face either. We didn’t have fun anymore. But she never hit me. So women might be okay.

While I’d been remembering, but also watching, the woman from the big building had been quietly walking toward me. Her voice was soft like the kind of rain that only dampened the ground and would pitter-patter on my dog house roof, lulling me to sleep some nights. When I was first at the farm, I would pretend that the rain was my Mom singing to me in the scary dark where I was all alone. I quivered but let the woman--I named her Rain--get closer. 

“It’s okay, sweetie. I won’t hurt you.”

Rain crooned to me in a sweet, sing-song voice, then sat down in the grass a bit away and continued every once in a while with a comment, her arms relaxed at her sides. She didn’t seem scary at all. In fact, she was kind of sad inside. I could tell. Even though her mouth was smiling at me, there was a deep tension in her. 

“Pretty baby ... don’t you have a lovely black mask ... isn’t it a nice day ... quiet now that the surveyors are all out on jobs ... .”

I began to relax, letting my muscles soften. Rain was no threat. Yes, I think this is her. My purpose. She needed me to help her with the sadness.

I crawled closer, paw by paw. Soon, I was sidled up next to her. She smelled like the wildflowers where the cows once wandered after they pushed down a flimsy fence. I was little back then, but I still remember their sweetness tickling my nose. We sat for a while, Rain and me, easy like. Me watchful. Her talking softly, then quiet. And then it happened. I felt her hand, ever so light, begin to stroke my back, then move to the base of my ears in a gentle pressure that was ever so relaxing. I held very still. 

“It’s okay. I won’t ever hurt you.”

I couldn’t help myself. I trusted her. I crawled into her lap and sighed. And she sighed, too. Like we were one breath. We stayed like that for a long while, me and Rain as one creature. Wolfie was right. Rain was my purpose. I wondered what came next?

~ to be continued ~

P.S. For you writers out there, I know that I need to get my 'tense' consistent, but right now, the story is fresh, first draft, off-the-cuff without editing. Maybe later on I'll pull it all together with proper editing... :-)