Friday, July 23, 2010
webs of life
Caught. Breaking away. Letting go. Settling within. Releasing so much, letting go of Ego and expectations (mine and those of others for me), not pushing myself in a direction that doesn't feel quite 'right'... How to put into words what are essentially little gray-ghosty tendrils in my mind, wispy, vague, and I thought that I created them but perhaps they were impressions that came in and I attached to them, clinging, falling into the web on purpose. Why would I do that? Because the web was glowing, glistening with droplets that made it seem appealing and substantive and nourishing; did I feel it might quench my thirst? Beckoning, calling. I can feel the threads across my face, but can't find them to pull them away; they cling to my eyes and nose and mouth. But it was still a web, a construct designed to attract me so that I became caught up in its threads, all leading me somewhere that wasn't of my choosing. Not bad. Just perhaps a different path. Maybe a lot of worthwhile sights along the way, but then I needed to break out and continue on my own way. Interesting all the analogies of webs and spiders in Native American, Greek and other cultures, and Mom's nickname for me was/is Missy Muffet. There/here I am, eating my curds & whey (love those dairy products, so sweet and smooth and grounding), when along came a spider, sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away. Certainly I have usually shied away from the webs of the 'norm', the webs of what others want me to be/do, often running in the other direction. The times I haven't - the times I've been caught in a web - were times of tremendous inner growth that I didn't often recognize as such while in the moment, i.e. caught in the web, but once I was free or struggling to be free, I could see and feel the sticky threads of someone else's ego or pain-body clinging, not wanting to release. And sometimes I had to destroy the entire web in order to escape, while at other times I could break a few strands and simply pull free. So what about the webs that I create for myself or others? Sure, that happens. Although, being a loner, seldom do others draw near enough to get caught in my web -- but I can definitely become entangled myself in a web of my own design! And then the pattern becomes a mess. Sometimes evolving, growing, building itself into a maze because I didn't see, or want to see, what was happening, and was fearful of destroying my own flimsy web so it became stronger and tougher. Webs of life. Fascinating.