Dad and Me

On August 3^rd, as he lay in a deep sleep from which he would not awaken, I wrote about Dad and me … Dad and me, we are the trees, single and alone, tall within a forest of moving, lively creatures. All around us, the social beings gather and laugh and build community amongst the world. But these busy lives mill around our bare trunks, scurry here and there, yet do not touch the quiet inside each of us. What goes on in our minds – our heads? Not what are we thinking, but what are we? Who am I? Who is he? What is our place as trees standing while the rivers flow and the air whips around or the fiery passions flare to show their colors and their movements? Do we have a purpose? Are we here to Be the Sentinels? Do we provide a place holder in the movement of the forest?

I dreamed last night of Dad dying (he actually died August 9, 2008). He lay there, unresponsive, while I was being accused by 'others' of attempting suicide. This odd dream lingered with me for hours after getting up this morning. I'm not yet sure what this dream means but it did motivate me to complete Dad's memorial page on my web site and to further ponder our relationship...

If the dream was not about Dad but rather a portrayal of me in all the 'characters' involved (as many people believe this to be true of dreams and their messages), I wonder if it has to do with my recent decision to focus more upon and commit to my writing? Dad's dying could be, in Eckhart Tolle's terminology, my Pain Body 'dying' as that relates to the hurt and fear I've often felt about taking my writing to the next level. Or it could be those strong left-brain traits that I've shared with my Dad fading as I encourage my right-brain creativity. Those 'others' could easily be my Egoic self accusing me of attempting suicide should I try to leave behind the practicalities, the structures, the safety of my current life to explore creative writing in more depth. I've certainly been tapping into my creative writing - and, thus, touching upon all my insecurities related to it - for the past several days! Hmmm...