The Field of Flowers

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

May I speak the Truth I see.


May I fully realize the power of words whether spoken or written or thought. Their energy resonates throughout my life and the world carried upon the winds of Gaia. Sound in its whole nature is beyond our comprehension. Thoughts create the world. As I will so mote it be. Words. All cultures and spiritual paths recognize the power of words, thought, sound. And recognize the empowerment they bestow through speaking the Truth in loving-kindness. For the background of the notes, the pages upon which they are written, must be rooted in the wisdom of Gaia, of Divine Feminine, of the Infinite in Sacred contract. 


I hear my thoughts before they emerge, when I pause, and know that they are beautiful when spoken from a secure center. If they come from fear, wait, pause longer, turn them over and breathe or burn them into transformation, feeling them deeply, the emotions they seek to express, then allow them to sink into Self, into Gaia, into the Core where love and acceptance wrap around them until they emerge as butterflies. May I not reject the feelings of fear, only bring them closer, hugging them to me until the relax and can change into words based in compassion. 


I speak in compositions of love and beauty and transformation, all is possible in Her. 


She blossoms within and her petals softly soothe the rough edges of words not yet honed into gentle curves. I taste the sweetness of Her nectar, and Her scent permeates my Being. All can happen in the pause between thought and words formed or spoken. Once they manifest, how do we then transform them?


I see the field of flowers spread out before me, beckoning with their glorious colors and shapes and scents; I walk through the broad expanse of the field in humble joy as they caress my bare skin and play before my eyes and I hear their voices rise unheard upon the breeze to soar into my very cells, my heart, my soul. I know this Field of Gaia as home once more.


Current discussions of The Field, Akashic Field, always seems so stark and sterile to me, at least the way that 'modern science' describes the energy. But I see . . . 


I see a Field of Flowers . . . the pollen from billions of flowers spreads and blends and carries infinite messages across time and space. When I sit, there is no no-thing, for why should I feel that I must abandon the beauty of form, of vision, of Gaia's earthly creations that have manifested? Is She not as lovely and loving, as giving and miraculous as anything we could imagine in our wildest dreams that might be beyond form? 


She is manifest and still remains beyond our ability to see and know to Her depths. And so I see Her as She shares Herself with me. She is a Field of Flowers in mind and spirit. She is The Field, the Flowers, the Infinite. She does not care how I envision Her, only that I do and that I know She is All and that we are One. She is the bud I speak so love will grow. She is the full bloom I dream into form. She is the flowering within and without, reflected in all Her creations.

May I see Her Truth, 

speak Her Truth, 

and BE the Truth I see in Her 

as I rest in Her Field of Flowers.

Grandma's Flower Garden Quilt

Beautiful Bones

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

All of Life is Death.
Yet in Death is transformation and renewal--Birth.


Imagine Death, see it lying beside me, calm, at peace, bare bones laid open and free from outer judgment, stripped of the covering that separates to show underneath we are all the same.


Beautiful structure, the base, the foundation, available to be reborn as disintegration begins, yet, for a while, a testament to the life before, a remembrance of that which housed the personality and ego. 


Look through the gleaming colors, through the shadows that linger ever so slight, and see the face of who has gone before, the Being that once was but is still here and is always.


Remembering . . . the words of a tale . . . "I'll grind your bones to make my bread" . . . words that seemed so scary but truly our bones are miraculous minerals given for our use in the manifest world to live but when we are done, they return to the earth, without the animating Vital Force, the Soul, the Spirit--without the animation of living a purpose we all return to the earth, to Gaia, to be transformed and reborn.


Once having faced Death--full frontal view--the bones and skeleton seem beautiful, fragile yet strong, solid yet filled with space! The rigidity an illusion we cling to as justification until realization comes that our bones are living tissue of change, and if that is real then, in the world of form, how much more potential is found in the rest of our bodies and lives?! We can move and shape and create!


Death is a Friend. Bones are Beautiful.


How does it feel to be laid bare?
How does it feel to be stripped of all the coverings accumulated as so-called protection?
How is this different if I shed the armor myself? 
To Die before Death?
______________________
I was struck by some of these thoughts and images last year, recalled now by the SoulCard(c) I drew, when I was able to be personally involved in the process of cremation for my beloved animal companions. Why does society--why do we--try to distance ourselves from Death and Dying? The kind couple who started this special crematorium allow the cremains to be returned to the animal's human companion 'as is' . . . bone fragments . . . instead of requiring "processing" through a grinder to make the powder usually seen after a cremation. I found this incredibly and deeply honoring of form. To be witness to how each form returns from the fires of transformation is very moving. The bone fragments are the last residual visual representation of the once-animated being who wore flesh and walked the earth with me for a short while. To see the innermost form revealed in all its beauty is a wonder . . . physically or spiritually.

Demeter - beloved feline companion

Prayer to Oshun

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

I cry into your arms, feeling overwhelmed on behalf of another one of your children . . . 
Blessed Oshun, She of the Flowing Waters, I sail upon your loving waves and feel the peaceful foundation of your divine wisdom carrying me through the challenges, calming my turbulent emotions. I pause and welcome the gifts you share so freely, accepting your healing energy and sharing it with others. I feel the emotions of loved ones, their anger or frustration, their pain and confusion, and I open so that your infinite love will flow through me and into them, sustaining and soothing. I invite them into the vessel where I rest so that they too can be supported by your love. I open to your essence that is the field of our universe, you fill me from above and below as I drift suspended within the core of your heart that is everywhere. I give back to you all that I am knowing the cycles of your glorious generosity and bounty. Oh, Goddess, hear my cries, I pray to you as I love and nourish others for all is abundant when I am in your presence. I open to your serenity and feel your waters flooding my soul, the tears pouring from my eyes into your womb to transform the suffering of loved ones into compassionate awareness. Oshun, I see you everywhere as you prepare the way for renewal. I feel you in Self and for a moment the shivers escalate within my body as we tremble together in the bliss of being One. Oh, Goddess, Source of All, the more you give, the more I want to give back to you and to all. How can I help? I see ways to ease the suffering of others, of world and animals and plants and people. When I pause in your presence, I feel the limitless love and beauty that is possible and also feel my heart aching for the suffering all around. I see my ow selfishness when it arises in perfect clarity, and I reach out to hug this frightened child that tries so hard, too hard, to be noticed and unique, and I hug this child who is soothed as you embrace us--you embrace all of us! And the love overflows, pouring down mountains in streams and rivers, the lakes fill to the brim, and the ocean swells in the infinite gentleness of acceptance. And I am once more carried in your arms, our tears merge, and together we reach out to all those in need with deep love and compassion. Dear Blessed Oshun, infinite in diversity, thank you.

Me and My Shadow

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

See Shadow, how softly she stands beside me, her smile a blurry reflection of mine as we dwell in the peace of presence. 


We walk the woods together and Shadow flits in and out of presence, reflecting how I sometimes walk in the world, my Self flickering with presence here, then gone, then back again. Me and my Shadow. Even when I can't see her, I know she is still 'there' just beyond the perception of the eye, I can feel her energy keeping me company.


I remember chasing my shadow, first as a child, then as an adult, in different concepts but the same reality of chasing what I can't catch, only realizing that by coming into stillness can we be connected as One. And that which I was chasing now comes willingly into our embrace. 


Shadow keeps lots of secrets and I know them all even if we don't whisper about them beneath the bedsheets like I did with childhood friends. And she grows and shrinks with the abundance or lack that she consumes, just as my sunshine-shadow becomes large or small when there are clouds or structures blocking the light. 


Me and my Shadow, we share everything although she protects me more than I do her for she is stronger and more fluid in nature, able to come and go so much more quickly as we pass through this world together. She shows me how to die and be born again without suffering by allowing the experience to simply Be what it is. 


Shadow is funny, too, as she can become all sorts of shapes from crooked to thin and straight, how does she know these things, these transformative processes? Ah yes, because she shares my secrets and helps me manage them. 


Shadow points out the Shades of other people, directing, guiding, helping me know them through Her. Shadow sometimes reaches out to touch, to connect, before I am able to; or may hesitate, withdraw, even as I step toward someone and become temporarily engulfed in that person's shadow. It can be a little scary and cold to live in someone else's shadow because that one doesn't always protect me like my Shadow does.


Shadow, dear Shadow, always helps me find my Self again and we step into the light where I see Her and Self fully, clearly, and we continue our walk in the woods or the canyons, along stream beds, or up a mountain. And sometimes we stop to swim the ocean where we both disappear into Mother . . . One.


Me and my Shadow . . . BFF :-)


________________________
This was my 60th card drawn in my Journey of Soul Inquiry. Because I combined the two Soul Cards(c) decks into one, there are still 60 more cards to select along the path. I am enjoying the wisdom, the insights, that come through these image portals--and I am treasuring the words that each of you reading also shares along the way. Thank you!

Heart Dreams

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Feel the pounding of this heart, the pulse of life, reverberating throughout the universe in waves and carrying with it the passion and the calm, the fire and the earth as they merge into the sea of awareness--One.


We each exist within the the other and hold the light of entire worlds cradled within our love. From before time, we were present, and we are always present, our power felt in all who beat their hands upon the drums of Being or dance their feet upon Mother's womb in loving rhythm, connected in the rush of life through resonating channels, the energies surging and rushing, the elements separate, blending, dividing, and joining.


One heart carrying the dreams . . . 
Another heart carrying how to manifest those dreams . . .
Together, as One Heart, dreams come true . . . 

Angel of Voice

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

From within She is born, an Angel of Voice, an Angel of Determination. She is the opening of heart and throat. She is the voice that speaks out when  fear is saying "hush." She is the voice that cries out when decorum says "be silent." Hers is the voice that knows to speak the Truth when it is kind and necessary. Angel of Voice, of expression, of creativity, of fluidity, of allowing a natural flow in place of control and rigidity.


I sit tight in Self, righteous, curled inward, compact and taking up as little space as possible, this tiny life that does not interfere and does not ask or invite. I sit in destiny's lap, keeping fingers and toes tucked within the circle of safety--like they tell us to on wild rides--where I am cared for and all my needs seen to, safe, tight, rigid, restrained, quiet, and watching the play of the carnival around me.


I look up and see my Angel with her scissor-wings cutting the satin cords that bind my voice, the silken ropes that wrap around my arms, the woven strands of angora yarn that encase my hands in soft mittens without thumbs. Without my Angel, I am safe and contained, but unable to write, to express, to give voice to all I see and feel and want to do and give and share. My Angel is snipping oh-so-delicately as She frees a thumb, then a finger! Wiggle room! Cool fresh air rushes inside replacing the stale weight of the cocoon. And from this space, this opening, a voice rushes out as words flow upon the parchment like a cleansing rain upon the white birch bark dirty from the construction project where mud and mortar, chemicals and tar had been flung in haste. Freedom!


Oh dearest Angel of Voice, sing with me as we break free and our words fly with joy out into the world!

_______________________

These words are a poor substitute to truly describe the gratitude I feel for Strong Women who were brave enough to stand up for what they felt was right and true; for those whose roots were deeply sunk in determination and non-violence--determination to be honest in who they were or what they desired to do in the world. I honor their determination as they 'bit off more than they could chew' in order to bring bounty to us all. They had the courage and will to swing the pendulum to its extreme so that change could happen, and voices could be heard across land and sea, providing guidance from home to office, and sewing seeds from garden to legislature. Amazing Women. They inspire and so how can I then let my own voice remain unheard after all that others have sacrificed? Not out of obligation or duty do I express but out of love and gratitude for the gifts of all women who chose/choose to speak up, to speak out. And not only women but also loving the men who recognized and honored their own sacred feminine within and without, as well as the women they loved--mothers, sisters, partners, friends--in a tandem passage and commitment that also required courage and determination.

It doesn't matter who does or does not 'hear' me.
What matters is Truth--being true to my voice, expressing my heart, and sharing love, passion, and compassion.
And it doesn't matter from where in life I 'speak' my voice.
It only matters that I honor Voice when She calls.

Khepra, who never hesitates to use his Voice!

Wise Woman

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

She wraps herSelf in Gaia, shimmering in Her essence, and allows healing to flow from and through and out of her to those in need--to those who are not yet ready to release, open, accept, embrace . . . to encourage, support, facilitate healing on all levels of being. She is Wise Woman. She moves through life sharing and caring.

Sharing healing energy with others brings joy and connection - connectivity. These energies swirl all around us and within each of us even when we are unaware. 


Imagine if each of us were to bring an openness into our lives . . . an open heart of love and a passion for sharing and caring. Not only for others, for we must be the caring of Self first for otherwise the carrying - the carrier - is tainted at a deep soul level, trailing a miasm like a shadow that touches those who draw too near, leaving a bit of soot that smudges the light. 


Imagine how it feels to be in the presence of someone who truly loves their Self as Divine. To be with someone who knows that She is within and without. To be with that person who is firmly rooted in Gaia, Presence, Goddess, the Sacred, for she feels the pulsing presence of the Infinite and it shows in her life, in her communion with all of nature, all that is natural. Maybe the person is a solitary but still we know her sacred nature, and simply to sit in her light is peaceful. And then . . . imagine if we were all like this! Imagine if we were each of us so content with our lives and with the world around us that the healing energies were fluid and flowed unhindered. To know that whatever the outward circumstances, we remained centered and heart-whole, sharing and caring. Be the Wise Woman! What bliss!


Infinite energy channels flowing through this world sharing, caring, feeling, healing, bringing love and peace to souls and senses. From Reiki to all the many, many ways of healing through energy transfer that have traveled through the ages and are once more becoming prominent, all are mere pointers to the Infinite ocean of healing that is always with us and within us. 


Hands are a representation for sending energy, for touching and connecting. We don't have to use them and yet they are a bridge--visually and physically--that allows us to know the connections and direction of flow. Our physical bodies provide a surrogate through which we know The Divine and share Her with others, we and they witnessing with our senses the direct perception of energy in a way that brings light to the manifest world of experience.


Wise Woman breathes up from Gaia the healing of the world. She is a vessel of Gaia, a channel, a symbol that many are reconnecting with in this earth walk. She honors birth and death, encouraging the re-emergence of ritual and ceremony in our daily lives. Rituals are powerful from the simplest to the most elaborate. They allow us to connect creatively with Divinity in a way that our physical bodies and minds understand. Rituals denote the sacred in life, honoring all aspects of Self.


Imagine all of us standing together, breathing in sharing and caring, bringing forth Wise Woman, and then releasing this pure Divine energy into the world!
___________________

As I later look into a friend's eyes, I realize that I write of the ideal because I have faith that all is possible. Yet I also know that a journey is each moment, and here and now is perfect with its 'flaws' just as we are each perfect as we embrace our flaws with compassion -- the sharing and caring of Self.

Joxer - the aforementioned friend

We Are the Seer and the Seen

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

She sees All and She sees me.


I see Her . . . but can't see my Self . . . sometimes I feel blind and wander around wondering . . . where am I . . . what am I doing . . . where have I gone . . . have I disappeared?


She watches with such patience and love; Gaia sends me messages . . .
She sends me a crystalline snowflake to say "there you are--see how you sparkle?"
She sends me a gentle tiny paw that reaches out to touch my arm.
She sends me deep dark eyes of love that gaze into mine.
She sends me the soft warmth of worn flannel sheets on a cold night. 
She sends me the wool of sheep who roam the hills to keep my feet snug.
She sends me ginger and cardamom tea to energize the shrunken plums once plump upon the branches of a wise tree.
See what Gaia shares!


And then I see my Self in Her and know my Self as the food enters my body and the material touches my skin and another soul reaches out to connect.
And I feel my Self become aware, knowing that I am more than the senses that create a world around me, for we--the animals, the plants, the spirits of Gaia in all Her costumes--are that which cannot be contained or controlled.
I feel the beyond of Self that is All Selves; a field of knowing and purity that is within every atom, not separate.


How can I be lost when I am here always in Her?! I look around and there I am!
Gaia in me as in every-thing and no-thing, and we move together gracefully even when I am unaware. But when I pause and seek, or when I feel lost and fall, all I have to do is look. She sees me and through Gaia I see me, too!


Incredible to once more realize the relationship that does not depend upon my meager abilities or desires--a relationship that I can see and feel in every moment, every subtle nuance of flowing energy.
We are the yarn of the afghan spread bulky upon my lap.
We are the ceramic mug holding a steaming cup of chai.
We are the table that was once a mighty oak tree and now offers a different type of service, as does the paper upon which I write my consciousness with this plastic pen created from elements of Gaia and molded into the tool I see.
I see the me that is a tool for loving and being and giving and doing.


We are all one, so how can I ever feel lost when all I have to do is look around and see me--see Gaia--see We . . . One . . . All.
I see the snowflake fall in the desert.
I see the trees growing in the ocean.
I see the sky of purple and the mountains of yellow.
I see the sun of blue and moon of green!
Words, just words, yet the wonders I see are beautiful no matter the words we use, and I see you and me in Her and we are amazing.


We are Amazing Grace looking outward and inward with eyes of love that see all and love all and rejoice in witnessing life in death and birth for we ARE the seer and the seen.

I see you.

____________________________________________

And, since he kept trying to sit on the Soul Card when I was photographing it, 

I figured Navarre wanted to be seen . . .

Navarre

The Spiral Dance

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

She plays the Spiral Dance.

Expose the core and 

within we find the Spiral Dance, 

never ending, never beginning, 

always here and now.

I swirl and twirl within the dance, 

the spiral guiding slow or fast.

The melody may vary 

but not the Source.

We are all One.

We play the Spiral Dance.

Peace

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

I sit upon the incline, dreaming of life in its mysterious ups and downs.
Below lay the twinkling sea of opportunity, glittering in its invitation.
Yet I look up to the heavens, an Auroric night of flashing insight . . . openings into Being.
I feel expansion and light as I sit in the presence of Gaia.
Peace.


____________

This image represents a mirror of my Soul. I remember when I used to hike the mountains; I remember finding an outcropping and just sitting, looking, listening, feeling. Not for extended periods of time back then, but it was a vital form of renewal and rejuvenation . . . to pause in peace.

I sit at ease and feel the breeze within the pause of peace.
I raise my face into Her Grace where all resolves without a trace.
And sitting here I feel no fear for She has dried my tears.
So now I feel my heart can heal for Love is all that's real.

Chiana

A simple message, a precious image, and one I can appreciate deeply today as we prepare to assist one of my beloved companions in the transition out of her current form. Chiana is ready, has been for a while probably, and so am I--finally.

I've lived with many incredible companion animals over the years, present in the transitions for fifteen of these precious souls, yet each one is unique and the decision to assist has never been easy--probably never will be, and perhaps that is as it must be. The journey of each soul is a treasure.

photo courtesy Green Hope Farm,
all rights reserved

I was drawn intensely this week, thanks to Molly's timely blog post, to obtain a bottle of Coralita, a Green Hope Farm Flower Essence--to untangle my emotions, to receive clarity--and I feel Coralita has been an angel, a lovely source of peace and presence for which I'm very grateful. Sometimes I feel like there are so many strands running through my life that I get all tangled in them, like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn . . . until it becomes dangerous and hard to step out of, the threads clinging and confusing. The more I would move, the more knotted they became. And the only way to find freedom is to relax, accept, let the vibrations be pure; to accept and let the strands fall away like magic for they have only the energy I feed to them, these thoughts or worries or even joys when there are too many to manage without beautiful clarity. Coralita helped me to be still, feel the clearing and supportive vibrations, be present.

As in the SoulCard image, I pause now, contemplate and light fills my mind, sweeping away the overwhelm, leaving only peace and love. I allow my heart to open . . . and it is filled with love.

A Song in My Heart and A Voice in My Ear

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Listen to the harmony within the sacred sounds of Her universe! 
I hear a symphony that is the inspiration of all creation! 
I sit and listen and learn to play my instrument--this wonderful body and life. With each note, I re-member, and the melody courses through the earth and up to the sky reverberating in the ether. I know this song of love and faith! Isn't it beautiful?! 


I sit in Her chamber and allow Her guidance to resonate within before it flows out of me into the world in the life I create and recreate. I sing the world alive with my joy and sing it to sleep with my love. In moments of silence, I hear the orchestrations of the angels as dimensions beyond my knowing vibrate to the drums of the cosmos. Her incredibly beautiful voice fills my head without passage through my ears, for I suddenly realize that I don't need the body to hear the mysteries of the universe; the body is an intricate instrument of teaching and exploration.


Creation...harmony...song...vibrations...sound...voices...!


Angelic teacher with humble student as they create a world, swirling energies like conjoined spirals of conch shells or the delicate bones of the ear--the chambers where transformation occurs...


We sit within the hollow chambers, the pink interior smooth from the lovely tan sand that even now rests in nooks and crannies, its abrasive nature calm. Whispers of Her echo the turning of the tides of time as I pause to listen, feel, absorb the messages of She Who Creates. I can choose to listen without participation or I can choose to take charge of my own creative development and accept Her guidance. She shows all of Her own creations in their infinite diversity and I am inspired for no two are the same--ever. The beauty of creation is harbored within each unique expression that mirrors a facet of the One. And so I create, joy shining through even in the darkest moments or images simply because I now realize that every creation has an inherent vibrant spark of the Divine cherished within its design. The sacredness of expression of Spirit. 


Listen...the symphony of life is playing! Her voice is singing!
Sit within the Divine Chamber of Gaia...listen...create!


___________________
And this joyous message would not feel complete without sharing one of my all-time favorite songs -- Lisa of CelticWoman singing The Voice (and a delightful video). I wrote about this song in a previous blog that also contains the lyrics and their source.

Oh, and it just wouldn't be right not to share some of Her creations with you...

Phoenix, Pooka, Guinevere, Morgana

A Sheen of Oil

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Seeing the goal...and the present.


To know the Source of strength, of fulfillment, is within, guiding.
To move forward into the changes that have begun. 
To step into movement, into the flow, from where I am right now, from birth, from renewal. 
To seek and yet be fully here and now during the journey. 


I feel the heat, liquid light coursing through me like the oil warming in a porcelain dish, waiting for the moment when the thickness lightens, when it is warmed and thin, moving easily. A sheen of oil that lubricates the journey in love of Self and nourishes in its softness. 


The goals may change yet purpose remains. Location shifting, the sands upon which I move are changing color and texture, the rainfall begins and the desert gives way to a different view. Small steps, gentle in their transition so that I don't become overwhelmed by the goal and lose sight of Self, journey and purpose. So that I don't lose sight of the Whole. So that love remains steady and healing is ever near. 


I feel the heat increase, driving, inspiring, teaching a pace that can be sustained rather than burn out in a single bright flare of passion that is exciting but carries no substance, no reserve. I feel tremors of stimulation, tiny electrical sparks that fire up in sequence. And I dream in the moment of each step, grateful for the forward motion, at peace with the rebirth and the path before me. A warmth surrounds me, and encourages me toward awareness of both infinite possibility and limitations of what is. 


For this moment, a fire burns and the gentle simmer warms the flowing oil of transformation within and without...welcome.


______________
dedicated to a dear, sweet friend known affectionately by some as the Oil Queen - love you, Lisa! (of Aislinn and Sama Tal Ayurveda for any readers who may live near New Boston, NH) - and remembering all the wonderful souls I met at Kripalu during my Ayurvedic training

Rebirth

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

...born again...sinking...drowning...


Lost in a whirlpool of emotion that drains, the pressure and twisting causing me to tire, legs becoming heavy, arms like lead weights, feeling as if I have been treading water for ages when only moments have passed. Tears mixing with the floodwaters as I struggle to keep my head above water, choking, and not succumbing to the depths where the unknown waits. 


What lies beneath the tossing waves and ferocious winds of the stormy sea? 
Do monsters roam the dark intense expanses of the interior biding their time until I sink so that they can swallow me whole and consume me entirely until nothing is left? 
Or does She wait with open arms to embrace and absorb my tears and we become One in peace? 
Shall I allow myself to give up, to relinquish what I am attached to and face my fears in the depths? 
Or do I reach up to grasp the hand stretching toward mine to lift me up and out of the womb into a new life that is unknown but still calls to me, Her voice clear and sweet as the roses upon the gentle breeze? 


She softly invites me to gaze inside my Self to see what journey is mine. 


Shall I relax and sink into Her, face the monsters, and know that they will transform then into guardians of healing? 
Is now the time to face them? 
Do I see them for what they are--their huge forms gliding through the water in tremendous grace and power not to instill fear but to carry courage? 
If I reach my foot strongly downward, beneath me as one swims by, there see! It is solid and firm, supportive, not scary. My fear made a monster where there was simply the incredible unknown--potential, possibility. 


And the unknown above, beyond, outward--what is there? 


She shows me that either choice leads to healing and growth in facing my fear and choosing to reach out and touch the unknown with faith. 


What makes the oceanic depths seem more frightening than the wide-open sky? 


Why fear? For She is the air I breathe, the fiery bright spirit, the living waters of womb and heart, the earth of our bodies and all substance...She is all the space within and without, above and below. 


I push through, detach, accept, and all is well, whether reaching below or above.


The seas calm and I lean back, floating, buoyant, one with the undulating of life, and I welcome the unknown swimming all around me for we flow within the same current of Love.

Being or Doing

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

"From out of the canyon I come, sharing love and discernment, compassion and action, stillness and healing. Within these walls I have witnessed the passing of ages as all beings dance with duality. Yet for so many, the dance has become labored, stiff, separate from Self and Source, while others embrace the beauty of balance, lives echoing the rhythm of the heart of the Infinite."


She offers whatever we need, Her sword misunderstood, for it is not a weapon of violence but a symbol of cutting through illusion and seeing clearly what has been hidden. Open hands She offers in total acceptance. I feel Her strength to Be and do as needed for the good of all, according to the free will of all. 


One accepts the hand of Being; One accepts the sword of Doing. 
Each beautiful in its time and place in blessed individuality.
Freedom of choice. Self-realization.
Act or Be Still?

Flowering of the Desert

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Flowering ... Blooming ... Consciously opening to Self. 


I feel energies swirling into my center where growth culminates in flowering. A spiral brings me in and I feel my petals unfold, the bud becoming glorious in its manifestation of a single moment of perfection that radiates forever, vibrating into the universal consciousness.


Flowering in the desert, each grain of earth, each drop of water, each multifaceted mineral of existence essential to the flowering. I draw from beneath and within, my energies rising to this pinnacle; to experience and embrace my opening to a new day, beginning what may be one day or many. 


Opening ... Unfolding ... 


Across the sands of time, my velvet petals quiver in delight at the view of majestic mountains where waters rush and flow abundantly, where trees are ancient guardians who write the lines of life within their very hearts recording transition and transformation in the Now, where animals roam among the greening and also endure the alternating scarcity of the darkness when She descends. 


I stretch my arms, the green leaves holding drops of surviving moisture within and beneath, hidden, and I stand tall, bold, vigorous, for this is my moment to bloom! I arch to meet the sky, soothing blue balm carrying the air I breathe. Inhale. Exhale. 

And I am present, here and now.

Flowering / Puspavat

On a Clear Day

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

I climb to the top of the mountain, lean forward into the clouds, they part, touching my cheeks like moist kisses, and I can see Forever.
The angel within becomes an angel of peace, clarity, and we share serenity, all the world, as One.
All around me is Light shining through. 
She creates the clouds upon the currents of galaxies passing through our existence -- many planes where we are all One.
These clouds do not obscure the light of insight, but rather create the aura of knowing, softening any harshness so that it can be taken into Self and molded into a gently caressing vessel of Love.
Every water droplet forming these clouds shares infinite moments of gratitude, and carries the unshed tears of Bliss ...


On a Clear Day, You Can See Forever ... 
On a clear day
Rise and look around you
And you'll see who you are
On a clear day
How it will astound you
That the glow of your being
Outshines every star
You'll feel part of every mountain sea and shore
You can hear
From far and near
A word you've never, never heard before...
And on a clear day...On a clear day...
You can see forever...
And ever...
And ever...
And ever more. . .

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As I sat this evening preparing for sleep, I opened the Tao Te Ching randomly, to find the message perfectly appropriate for summing up many of the conversations that Ron and I had today regarding our planned move to another state, and how all the various pieces need to come together, yet we cannot control many of them. The below is from the version of Stephen Mitchell:

74

If you realize that all things change, 

there is nothing you will try to hold on to.

If you aren't afraid of dying,

there is nothing you can't achieve.

Trying to control the future

is like trying to take the master carpenter's place. 

When you handle the master carpenter's tools, 

chances are that you'll cut yourself.

This Dark Whole

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

A dark center lies within 
where troubled thoughts and birth begin, 
a whole of blackness filled with fear 
that makes me cringe when I draw near 
this certain death of something dear 
or growth of that which causes tears 
yet venture close I have to do 
because within lies altered view 
of world and me, of Self and Soul, 
within the darkness lies the whole. 


Death is waiting with Her skulls of past 
that I must face full on at last 
for hiding does my heart no good, 
leaving cracks of "don't" and "should" 
yet through them also seep the better world 
where I might live and breathe with wings unfurled. 


Gaping wounds run rivulets red, 
the choices made within my head 
I based upon ego thoughts 
and left behind the love She taught 
me in Her wisdom: share and help to be, 
others who depend on me. 
And so I feel the deep dark space 
where envy lies in my disgrace. 
I see it dwelling, squirming there, 
within the heavy darkness bare. 
Blood must flow to cleanse and heal, 
clear and rich, bright and real, 
not to worry or resent the unrevealed 
of what was meant ... to BE. 


A cave within, now transformed 
into a haven given form, 
a safety zone where I reside 
when chaos outward bids me hide. 
Go into the darkness willing, 
take Her hands and know the wonder of Her magic healing
 ... LOVE. 


This dark center can be anything 
I need or see or share with me 
a Truth that offers space for inner work, 
to sit in stillness, darkness, 
and feel the peace descend 
right before the end 
- of anger, fear or pain 
dark whole gives, 
so much to gain 
for Self and Her and All that is. 


Death is birth, 
and shall reverse. 
Perception is what that needs to change 
for life continues in its exchange 
- of energy, love, light.  


This dark whole 
a gift to explore, 
a dark pearl shone, 
an unborn diamond is the coal. 


Open my heart, my eyes, to the gift and the Light comes in, the darkness dissipates, easing away into shadow and then no more - for now. But it will come again because this human existence is natural cycles flowing, growing and then leaving, departing, into darkness. Yet my openness, my heart and love and acceptance are what see Her gifts in the cave, in the healing darkness of Her womb. 


A time of rest is death. 
A time and space of renewal. 


To be born again, I feel the ebb and flow. On the bottom of the ocean, no light can reach into the deepest channels that lead the way to the center, the core, and yet once there, all the heat and light I need is present, waiting. There is always light on the other side of darkness; treasure both, embrace and learn. 


Go into the darkness on my own 
and it will no longer be a threat -- Home.

Lightening Storms of the Mind

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

A thought. An idea. Creation!


Ripples flowing outward affecting everyone in its path, even unknowing. Interconnection. From my mind comes the lightening storm, all fire and light, radiating, expressing. Creating! 


Circles that expand, growing, and I sail with Her in the waves of these ideas to see what is "just around the river bend," I explore the passages and decide upon which fork to take, knowing that all will be as it should be and there is no wrong turn, for all will lead me to where I need to be just as surely as the other choice, even when the outer circumstances may be different. And yet I must seek...


It is the journey of Soul that plays out as it is meant to whether it takes one lifetime or many for time is irrelevant in our little perception of how it acts in our lives. An entire life can be lived in the snap of two fingers. Our free will is what allows us the opportunity to explore the world of form in all its mysteries. And how we affect others during this earth-walk is also part of our destiny. Not predetermined even though all will be as it is ultimately meant to be - a paradox? Yes, for our limited minds that may feel shocked and weighted down by these indecipherable messages and the imponderables of the ages. 


We think we know it and have it figured out but we barely grasp what is so immense. And that is beautiful! I love the knowing that I can't possibly know it all! I love the mysteries and miracles She shows in every second of contemplation. Even when I meet Her in that split-second - or is it a life-time? - of pure Being, I know on some level that there is more, She is more, WE are more - and yet nothing. This incredible universe is unfathomable! And how perfect is that?! To be humble and embrace the trickles of knowledge and explore the twists and turns of life in the world and life in the Now - moment of Being - and still embrace that there is so much more?! I love it! I feel such bliss when I sit in the knowing of not knowing! Mysteries of mind and no mind...


And so I create and live and love. I offer help where I am able. I share the incremental bits of knowing that I have pieced together along the way; this little knowledge quilt-let, hand-stitched with experience and written upon in inks of indigo the wisdom shared by others, a constantly changing blanket of life, light and love that is so comforting in tis representation of all that I know and don't know. 


And so I create with sparks of ideas from the flashes of lightening in my mind that knows so little, with spatters of paint from heart and soul, with dreams of the Infinite. I accept truth, purity, faith, and love as touchstones along this moving, flowing, knowing and unknowing river of Gaia.
___________
I often hear songs while I'm writing, triggered by words or feelings that emerge during the stream of consciousness writing, the contemplative process opened by the portal of Soul Cards (c) and Source ...  this morning I heard "Just Around The River Bend" from the animated Disney film "Pocahontas" - crystal clear. (No surprise, really, considering the Gypsy Feathers whispered to me once upon a dream -- I am drawn to movement, the air, the wind, travel, journeys, the river.)

My Soul is a Garden

Because I feel such a strong resonance with the interconnection of Soul and Nature, and how they mirror and heal each other, I share one of my favorite songs as performed by John Denver - "The Garden Song." A beautiful metaphor ... my Soul is a garden ...



And the lyrics are so lovely...

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe
And a piece of fertile ground

Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
Till the rain comes tumblin down

Pullin weeds and pickin stones
Man is made of dreams and bones
Feel the need to grow my own
Cause the time is close at hand

Rainful rain, sun and rain
Find my way in natures chain
Tune my body and my brain
To the music from the land

Plant your rows straight and long
Temper them with prayer and song
Mother Earth will make you strong
If you give her love and care

Old crow watchin hungrily
From his perch in yonder tree
In my garden Im as free
As that feathered thief up there

Words and music by Dave Mellett (I thought they were by John Denver, but apparently not!)

The Doll

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

I open to the Truth of these images - the messages contained within Self and world. I am guided by Her Light of Forgiveness - to let go, release, set free all that has been carried within.


Each cell is vibrant with juicy life when I open for they are connected to Akash and partake of the Love as well as return it when they are offered freedom.


I feel the healing energy flowing and I merge into One as we step into the most incredible ice castle of crystalline staircases, pale blue walls spread with snowflake wallpaper, the roof is dazzling sky, lit at night with a million eyes watching and guiding. 


A Phoenix soars within the temple chamber of the castle, Her feathers bright as sunshine as She lights the way into each room, even those long closed off, the door grating, creating a small pile of ice shavings as it opens, leaving a scar upon the clear shiny floor. 


I look inside, not sure what I'll find, and there sits a doll, not the pretty ones I remember from childhood, but one that is raggedy and dirty, sawdust trickling out of its sagging body, the button eyes tired but watchful, a silver glint lingers in the dull mother-of-pearl even after all this time. The Phoenix flies directly to the doll and settles next to it, a wing extending around the small form. 


I kneel in front of the doll, the floor hard but warm in the glow cast by the remarkable golden feathers of the Phoenix. Fingers trembling, I reach toward the doll and tentatively touch its worn, drab clothing, the fabric rough and fragile, threads pulling away, falling from the whole weakly. Then, where I've felt its costume, I see color begin to seep in, first rust, then red, and as I continue exploring its shape, somewhat familiar, the doll's clothes transform into a patchwork coat, all the glorious colors of the rainbow, brilliant! Her straw hair softens and lengthens into tresses that swing and move gently, caressing, as I run my fingers through it in wonder. Her cheeks blush and - wait - was that a sigh escaping the lips embroidered with such delicacy so long ago? The bump of a nose regains its shape and the amazing eyes start to twinkle with true luminosity, a gift of the oceans depths. I reach out with both hands and bring the doll to my chest, hugging her close as tears fall from our eyes. This precious memory doll recovered and healed, I feel the wings of the Phoenix embrace us both, She has become Herself, full and loving and wise. I stand within Her presence, cradling my memory of past injury, and I feel my body become stronger from within, stronger in Self and in Compassion. 


We walk from the room, the door having melted entirely, only a residual puddle into which the last teardrops fall with a light 'plop.' I leave the castle for now, and run to the field of poppies blazing in bright sunshine, where I toss the beautiful doll high, memory transformed, into the air and she bursts into butterflies of all shapes and sizes and colors that flutter and play among my full heart field, and I laugh as the Phoenix soars toward the sun to sit atop a sentinel pine. Watching. Protecting.

"I am as I see my Self, not as others see me."

Daisies in the Snow

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Radiance! A daisy of the field, simple yet strong, I raise my face to the Light. Standing within the field of Her love, peace seeps in and out of my pores, sinking deep and soaring high. I feel Her breath as I sway, warm and supple, motions so subtle they can only be seen by connecting, slowing, easing, being in the space of Her presence. I transform Her elements into energy that feeds the Light within and without. Daisies!


She is the snow that blows fine whispers of magic outside my window where I sit warmly with bright souls near to lend their peace and comfort. Sideways slants the wind, and so am I at times, tipping and tripping over Ego and Desire as they toss out their taunts, eager to gain my attention and create a flurry of activity that prevents clarity.


White-out prevails and rather than remain in the calm of Her warm, bright face, I choose to bundle up, venture out, and fight the crystals freezing on eyelashes. Forgetting my boots, I begin to know cold and hardness, eventually feeling a numbness, and wonder where I went wrong. Where is She? Did I miss a turn? Where is my Self? 


Always near, waiting only for my call, I see a light in the distance, and I move, shuffling blue toes through pristine white powder that tempted me with its flash and fluff, yet held an illusion as it began to freeze my senses, my compassion. Still, calm, She shines and shimmers as I step once more toward Her and feel a burning, a tingling, as my feet thaw, nearing Her bright presence, leaving the winter harshness behind until I am more prepared and focused. For that world is also profoundly beautiful and offers tremendous gifts for those who are wrapped warmly in Her.


The flame flickers and dances, a tiny spark of Spirit in Her fine red and yellow dress with the orange sash. As I open to Self, more sparks join and frolic, creating fanciful lightening as they unite and separate, "swing your partners, dosey-do!" A glorious pyrotechnic display that emanates from Her face in pure Joy!


An elegant contrast, Her myriad gifts, all welcome, all beautiful, when we step into the moments, carrying wisdom in Self.


How striking to feel the blessings of heat sitting in the midst of cold. To know the wonder of winter-land while sheltered in home and warmed by hearth. A mirror of my life, each step that could be or was, unable to survive for long without Her warm embrace as She came to me in fur-beings, and green-goddesses, and purple rock temples rising far above the fears and rotting dreams dying below. Unprepared. 


Yet, as seasons shift energies in order to die and be reborn into limitless opportunities, so has this human life changed. Beauty everywhere. Incredible potential lies waiting in the snowstorm, Her love burning within the hearth of my Soul. 


Her face a glowing beacon across the white expanse, Her cloak wrapping me warmly, I remember my boots and we begin again ... and again ... 

Creating Rainbows

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Awe ... Amazement ...


She is creating worlds of rainbows through me! Imagination is given free flight and bursts out like a galaxy born into the universe. Patterns swirl and templates shift as She guides me into a new paradigm, if I only accept an invisible gift.


Gaia is stepping into each one of us, inspiring and loving; showing the way to live softly and Be. For all around us is everything we could possibly need.


Could it be that even our food, tainted through ignorance and arrogance, is exactly what we need for it is teaching us to heal beyond matter, beyond the substance and our limited senses?


For all that we take in can be made pure through Gaia and the gift She bestows in our ability to transform by thought, mind, feeling, and no-thought -- to release our attachment to what has been damaged and how it is harming us to simply accept that when we bless our food through Her Grace, and know that nothing is what we see, then we understand that this does not have to be toxic food but rather energy and we can see the beauty and love potential in the form to transform into healing nourishment? Is it possible?


Can we bring this concept of what we refer to as imagination into this manifest world and know harmony, for what we see as Truth is what we become? And that this by its Nature shall show the way to loving Her, Self and Others as we see clearly and imagine beauty and harmony everywhere? She created our world, so can we -- by seeing, loving, knowing, Being in our hearts and souls the creations of conscious living -- not remove ourselves from the world but step into it more fully, knowing and honoring the merging for the benefit of all life?


Through this Sacred Union of creation and wisdom, we are made whole. Our wholeness becomes Her for She is with us every step of the way, not as a limited, anthropomorphized entity, but the Spirit of Pure Loving Being that is here, now, always. She is pure Intelligence and Wisdom, having brought Her formlessness into form and we - every elemental manifestation - are the result.


We have the ability to truly experience the wonders of manifest form from a space of awe and amazement -- to heal all that is.


All we have to do is CREATE! Stretch your rainbow like sweet taffy! Creation is the key to transformation and knowing the divinity of our world! To make, build, help, love, pray, embrace -- to do no harm in all that we do. 


This is the energy of Being that can bring about a new age, a dawning filled with rainbows that will have the flowers dancing, the trees laughing, the mountains roaring in such magnificent exclamations of delight that the rivers will giggle with glee!


There is an ember glowing within that can bring to light rainbows of magical transformation. I witness the ember shine more brightly as it becomes a galaxy within that must emerge and grow into creation! Each of us can create rainbows ... all we need is to know Her light within Self and within all Life reflecting Her essence.

___________________
This was quite the rambling stream of consciousness this morning! I felt jubilant and open, filled with a weird sort of conceptual shift that tilted my perception producing awe and amazement. As I transcribe here what I wrote much earlier in my journal (which is my usual process), I feel faith that a missing piece of our Unitarian puzzle is right around the corner...?

Red Tent of Life

SoulCards(c) Deborah Koff-Chapin

Receiving Her gifts, I open to Her blood and feel it flow through me in a ribbon of ethereal fluidium offering a gentle healing. Her flow brings release and receptive awareness for that which I do not yet know or see. 


My hands open and lift - once pressed in prayer, now my palms are receptacles for Her transformative energy. I stand before Her in the labyrinth, all ways lead to Her even though the steps may be unknown - I cannot see around the corner, yet I know She is here as well as there and that comforts me. I receive Her flexibility when I faithfully turn the corner or round the curve of Her belly, a mound of mystery sought throughout the ages for the wisdom contained therein. I bathe in Her richness pouring from Her creations.


I could remain in this moment forever, untouched by external distraction. I know that here is where I am meant to be. 


I feel Her coursing through me, rushing and trickling, and then retained. We are the vessels of power to change hearts, to transform our world. We receive the mysteries of birth and death when we become women. My belly is beautiful in its fullness -- no shame in roundness, softness, for I fill with life and love and a light surrounds the blessing of that which grows and lives within the dark red chamber of Her womb.


I receive her nourishment and release it into the earth to nourish Her.


We receive ancient feminine wisdom and mysteries. She is the Goddess of the Red Tent and pours empowerment into all women to stand and withstand, to love and be loved. Within the curtains of our Red Tent fall the folds of our lives with all their wrinkles and hidden spaces and clefts of creation. And so it is within Her Red Tent when we are birthed and re-birthed and prepared in the cycles of the moon, each time feeling a death occur or new life begin in forms previously unimagined.


Every morning when I emerge from the depths of sleep and dreamworlds, I am re-birthed into Her world-womb. I push back the blankets and the light breaks through my squinting eyes and just for a moment I want to cry at the harshness and loss until Her voice comes to me, soothing, and it's my voice, my Self, or a beloved's voice or Gaia's voice through one of Her precious Beings, and once again I am receiving Her blessing in so many ways. 

Red Tent by Darla

I am always in Her Red Tent for nothing remains static, life is always here in its cycles of death and birth. Her Red Tent is Life, and I lift my hands to accept Her ribbon of life as it flows abundantly, pouring into me always whether as Maiden, Mother/Queen or Crone for creation is birthed in infinite forms.


Receive. Retain. Release.


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Information on Red Tent Temple movement or the book The Red Tent
My site for Empowering Women at Endunamoo