Into The Fine Red Dust

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

I strive toward the goals that bring harmony. I sing into the universe and my world the messages carried within, pulsing, pounding. Just ahead, there, I see the goal. And yet, I feel at home here in this moment. Incredible peace descends in the realization of now and possibility.

I feel a red planet, conflict, wherein all goals are manifest, and know the blue planet of serenity, and I sense the balance to be found with a foot in each world. I move in the flow of grace along the river's edge, each current unique and I reach along with it to see and experience the fullness of Her world. I feel a gentle push, a nudge, an encouraging breeze, a bubbling splash of inspiration as I consider a goal. I am carried along by the river, up the red canyon walls by the wings of change, by that which disturbs the moment and tickles the soles of my feet with its powder when I step ahead into the fine red dust.

Movement and action call out and I respond with conscious awareness in order to participate in Her shift, in the re-creation of our world and my life and I offer simple gifts to Her in celebration of the transformation. Her power lies within the movement as I make strides in a direction that feels true and healing. I reach out, and sense a path that is strewn with rocks and sand and a few thorns that bring momentary pause. But they are a blessing and I sit in that space of stillness as needed to set the goal firmly, not firm like concrete but firm like the great pines who sway so that they don't snap. I set the possibility for action, for movement, and feed Her spirit, nourish my Self, providing the supplies I need to make the journey. Planning yet open to any opportunity, heading downstream but flowing around the boulders when possible rather than crashing over them and dispersing momentum. However, the goal is only there to provide direction and a path to growth, not to remove inspiration.

I breathe in the opportunities, the synchronicity, that present themselves in rainbow splashes on a backdrop of subtle burnished bronze. Our hearts join together as we seize the moment and ask how we may serve. In what way can our lives benefit the whole of Her world?

The goals are set and I strive with honesty to be home in Self yet journey with others, our unified rhythms creating beautiful music that spreads everywhere, our feet running together and standing in solidarity of love and compassion. I feel the warmth and thus know Her in these goals. We are needed, I am needed, for to be part of change is to embrace transformation on levels beyond me and mine and fear of lack but to know the abundance that dwells within Her - always. I see the goal and move in baby-steps and leaps, stumbling and bounding, toward abundance for all life, for I know this can be real, can be manifest because it is here all the time, already, in Her open arms and Her generous womb that bleeds life into our hearts.

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SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Her Face in the Dark Soil

I see Her face embedded in the dark soil of rebirth and know comfort; Her lips parted, She sings of eons and moments.

Death is near for a dear one and She awaits the return of this dear one with calm serenity and love for I feel Her. Death is not the opposite of Life for Life is eternal. Death and Birth are simply transitional phases like the Full and Dark Moons, the ebb and flow of the tides, each asking for but a moment to see beyond the Veil of Illusion, a glimpse into the mystery of sacred Source.

I pause at Her edge, and look deeply into Her, into Self, into Souls who have gone before and those ready but hesitant. My question is not how to prevent once the moment is near, but how to help. She invites my attention in knowing the difference between rescuing and helping, to know when to let go. A gift is brought into my life and we walk so many paths, we share stories to be told and most of all, there is love and compassion and a deep respect for soul beyond differences. Her lips whisper in comforting tones of responsibility, and I open my heart as wide as possible, breathing deeply, touching the Truth.

Her face lies among the dirt and pink sands, the shades of Her subtle and yet rich with vitality, carrying in Her gentle smile the promise of peace and rebirth. Her presence is all around me, every pair of eyes a remarkable reflection of Her diversity and love. Their words a mystery to me and yet when I close my eyes and listen with my heart, I hear their thoughts of love and joy, I see their acceptance of what is. She teaches me through them and I am filled with gratitude and honor to be Her student for the gifts of companionship far outshine the shadows of transition. And I learn to embrace the shadows even, for the nearness and truth they bring, clearing away the glitter and distraction of the outer world.

Angels rise from Her depths, energies swirl and merge, souls are joined in Her, and I feel such peace in the Unity. Knowing that I will also make the journey, I listen and open to Her voice through the next precious soul, and the next. I touch the body yet feel the soul, just as I fill my hands with soil and know Her. Is it time? Soon.

I enjoy each precious moment, knowing, seeing, understanding through the tears and ache that life is change. From Her face new life emerges, from Her womb new life is born. Over and over, the cycle continues, each new life is eternal. We visit and experience, teach and learn, grow and fall down. I embrace Her through the souls who choose to walk with me, and we create community in diversity. I am grateful to know Her face in so many amazing Beings.

I welcome each moment for the gift that it is, knowing with serenity that this too shall pass as does all in this life, now and forever, and then return. Each exquisite life is Divine and She shines through them always. Her face is mine and theirs and everyone's. Her face is in each plant and rock and stream. We are all the same ultimately, merging, we become One. And I see Unity in Her face. I see Love.

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SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

We Fly Together

Confidence.

Confirmation.

Compassion for the Truth of Self.

She is with me, heart and soul, and knows my true Self, and loves deeply, compassionately, and is always near.

When I feel hurt or insecure from the words of others speaking out of their own pain, desire or ego, She lifts me in Her arms and we ride like the wind together, wild and free and true across the landscape of my world within. She embraces my Being in full acceptance and without expectation.

This manifest form is what it is, and is enough coming from a sincere space of honesty and acceptance of Self.

Over-culture presents me with images or demands of how I should be or ought to be, and I stumble away from my own path at times, weary of the expectations of others. Yet now, as I rest in Her presence, more often, more aware and honest, in love and compassion, I feel confidence to be this person as well as this Soul, no longer disparate but unified, showing my true face, heart and Self. And I am happy in Her and in Self.

Peace.

Contentment.

Expectations of others fall away as do their expectations of me.

I bring truth and honesty without clinging to what should be.

I ride the wild horse with Her and we are finally free and joyous in our abandonment of the shadows of Expectation and Should.

I lift my wings and see that they are thick and full, healthy and beautiful for they are the wings made of Gypsy feathers and I am grateful for their gift. Her gift - the wisdom I feel flowing through these wings, carried upon the air from Her breath of life, love and light.

I know a deep peace. At last.

Challenges come in, and present themselves. I hesitate or question myself only to find, as I pause in the stillness for answer, that all I need do is open and we are One. I feel a tremendous calm sweep over me and I smile, the tension in my body easing away, I settle into Self once more.

This is the path I walk in this body, in love and equanimity, and I share the joy with all who I meet, some who resonate and some who don't. And that, too, is a beautiful facet of this sparkling, miraculous world, that we are each following our own star, yet each star is the same, and She welcomes the truth in all our varied forms.

I feel incredible gratitude that She led me down this path that led me to Her and to my Self.

I know my Self and I know the truth of who I am in the world and this body, and I am enough just this way.

When another person, another soul in pain, sees faults or deficiencies and accuses me of being less than what they expect, I may stumble, only to reach out and She wraps her wings around me.

I ask "is that me?"

The answer comes through the mirror that She holds in front of me.

I am the only one who can know whether I am living my Truth without delusion, this is my journey. When someone else sees a different visage than the Truth I know to be my Self, they they are in their delusion, on their own journey. And all is as it is, perfect.

To have finally reached a point where I can look in the mirror, love who I see, and know my reflection is True, is an incredible gift.

Her gift to me as we fly together.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

_______________

Our human condition can be challenging at times. During much of my 20's, I felt quite lost and alone; I didn't know my Self, couldn't find my Center, and She felt just out of reach except when I was hiking the Rockies, walking the woods, snuggling with the animals, or communing with nature in some way. This song, Looking for Space, of John Denver's always lifted me up - his passion, his ability to express the search for Self and Source, his inspiration from and devotion to Mother Nature, Gaia. She is a natural yet mystic portal into the Infinite.

All alone in the universe, sometimes that's how it seems

I get lost in the sadness and the screams

Then I look in the center, suddently everything's clear

I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams

And I'm looking for space

And to find out who I am

And I'm looking to know and understand

It's a sweet, sweet dream

Sometimes I'm almost there

Sometimes I fly like an eagle

And sometimes I'm deep in despair

To Hold Hands and Dance

I feel the duality of form, of Self; this is how we experience the manifest world. I feel and know the dark and light, so why not embrace the masculine as well as the feminine for both are beautiful and provide all that sustains and resides within.

Yet I feel a resistance to that which has been glorified in the name of the masculine - the war and bloodshed and violence and dominance. Conversely, I know a strength and passion and outer world determination that is necessary and beautiful. I feel there is a grace and a peace that can be known in the masculine. But the duality must become One, comfortable each in the other, honoring of all qualities without fear or loss of sense of self.

I know that the Infinite has no gender, I feel this on a level that goes far beyond thought. I look to this Source of Infinite Wisdom when I am torn or when I feel pulled too far in one direction, feeling the rising tide of judgment that can sweep up and over me in the face of an overwhelming masculine energy. Yet for too many years the masculine has been elevated and the feminine denigrated, I have felt and seen this in my own life and in past lives and see it erupting even out of the feminine like boils, bubbling, raging, seeking escape from the tight skin of over-culture.

Yet this is not The Way for it can never serve or resolve other than through destruction.

Is it possible to take the masculine by the hand and share the grace of nurturance? Shall we hold hands and dance our energies together, twirling upon the wondrous carpets of Mother Earth, raising our joined hands in the luminous love of Grandmother Moon, sit together in the moist dark caves of compassion to hear the voice of the One beyond our meager understanding?

When I feel fear of the masculine within, can I reach out my hand in peace and ask for his touch to be gentle, kind and loving?

We stand back-to-back, protecting each other, sharing our strengths, feeling the energies of our spines connecting and entwining; two serpents writhing as One to become stronger and more stable. Our backs together, we connect without fear of losing our identity yet able to feel the other. Facing outward , we can see all and know the needs of others and Self that are ever manifest in the world we experience. There will come a time when we can turn inward, to face each other fully, no fear, and move together, merge as One.

For now, I am content to hold hands, like a courtship of old, we make tentative gestures to become better acquainted, a delicate dance guided by the wisdom of the elders, entailing mutual respect. I honor the qualities of both as we renew our innate connection. The steps are slow, the process intimate yet allows space. We dance together and separate within a new energy field, a little unsure yet bound by a light of love that neither wants to abandon. I feel the dance within and the fear recedes. We hold hands and learn to grow and Be together in love.

In this way, we grow old together, masculine and feminine, becoming wise, sharing Self and world in harmony -- the Dance of Life as it can be.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Hearing Voices

I hear voices in the stillness. They speak through written words but are not mine...or are they? The voices call to me from far and near and I listen -- I pause in the moment and hear the messages. They are the voices beyond the world and are getting louder, stronger, breaking through the barriers that have contained them as refugees in a concentration camp. They call out to be heard in a truthful voice, not one of anger but of peace.

I hear a voice that remembers swimming in a pond that was tempting on a hot summer day, not a crystal clear stream or pool but a dirty, mud-at-the-bottom pond that was superbly refreshing and genuine in its plain brown wrapper of peace and gentleness. I remember.

I hear a voice that calls out in the woods where all is wet and cold, the sun sliding down the mountain with the torrential rainfall, the path now a slippery slope of stones that move beneath my feet and I remember feeling exhilarated because I was no longer separate from, but had become one with the elements and nothing existed but one step at a time, squishy boots and bloody knee and a blissful sense of perfection in the chaos of the storm.

I hear a voice that calls out from a tiny house on a huge mountain, where firewood is stacked and the heavy snows fall more deeply than expected, yet the fire warms and the storm that swirls in Her breath soothes as it prevents the other dark storm from crossing the threshold.

I remember a voice.

So many paths and voices call out now to be heard in their true nature, not muffled by hand or cloth or dark void of those who dominate out of their own fear and lack of access to a true voice - Her voice. I hear a voice whose cries are now songs of joy sung in the light and I feel the love in Her voice as she speaks softly in my head and heart and through Her world. I hear Her voice singing joyously in my mind, the tones in perfect harmony, low and high, soft or sharp, they become my voice now, breaking free, the once tight constriction in my throat free as the noose loosens and falls away. I hear my voice and Her voice and all the voices! Oh what a glorious symphony! We sing and laugh and cry in pure happiness in this moment of serenity.

I hear the voices of Her in all of nature, the barks and meows of my beloved companions, the flip of a fin from the fish bowl, the bird call from limbs shorn of leaves but shared with feathers, the tapping of crystal snowflakes upon the pane of glass next to me flung there in ecstasy by Her winds of change that howl in a voice so true and pure. She speaks always in Her stark beauty, Her soft glow, Her voices in millions of melodies all around me! Our voices join together and I can hear my Truth. I remember my voice. Listen. I hear my voice. There. Free.

May all our voices be free and true in love and peace.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Sisters in Symbiosis

We are the greening beneath the snow that lies waiting to grow.

In Her arms we are held gently and with love, reaching upward.

We mirror each other, the flora and fauna, each feeding the other in perfect symbiosis.

An innocent child and the bud of a plant, we grow together, sharing the light and the dark, dreaming each other into existence and all the world glowing around us in joyous becoming. As a young shoot leans toward the sun, so do I reach toward Her Light, knowing there is my sustenance, there is my Self.

From Her crown springs fully-grown wisdom and knowledge and love that She freely shares from Her canopy that provides shade and depth and color and shadow. Her leaves are scored with veins of purity, the love effervescent and shimmery in the night, brighter than the light of a thousand candles. We are held here, nurtured and safe, sharing our thoughts and energies, attuned to all life beyond the mind, or beneath or within each other, our very cells calling and connecting, the roots spreading hundreds of thousands of miles and holding hands next door. Right now, I nestle deep in the earth, the soil around me alive and constantly moving as we exchange nutrients and fluids and love for we are alive in our dormancy, alive in our hibernation, a slow-motion party from another dimension where the grace of our tendrils sway to and fro. We hold our breath together, waiting. She whispers tales of the above world where all is now somber and peaceful, gathering strength for what is to be birthed. Her breath tickles my ears and I smile in delight.

Her beauty is beyond compare, beyond the physical because when I open to Her, She shows all of Her Self, She does not wish to hide Her wonders or Her wisdom or Her divine adoration for all of us. Her mantle of green spreads and extends above and below. A perception of color to guide and glorify all that is manifest. Through Her adornments we connect with our senses, going beyond anything we ever thought possible just by letting go. She is Gaia and so much more. Realms and worlds beyond our senses are ecstatic in Her garments, they entwine with us at every level. Imagine! I close my eyes and they become open windows to All. In awe I see the aura I feel. Amazed, I feel the energy that I know to be. I stand with a tree or sit with a plant or rest upon the soft moss that vibrates with me in the eternal hum of all Life connected in Her.

The plants are my sisters and we dance in circles, our arms raised in praise, welcoming our Mother's love.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Happy Holidays!

Healing Tears

She is Healing.

She is Mother.

Her kind, serene face warms my heart and I sink deeper into the silence, the stillness of this morning, this space of perfection.

She is my ancestor, the one whose native blood flows through my Being, each cell that beats to the distant drumming of women who walked the trail and shed the tears, creating new homes in distant lands. Yet they drew their strength from Earth Mother and buried their tired feet in Her nourishing mud. She calls to me to know my roots and embrace the gifts of that native form in its essence of nature honoring and generations of healers who tended the weary of soul.

She is here within as I feel her tears spill over to wash away all pain and suffering. In Her blood is the knowledge of Self and intuition, the faith and pure love for Gaia. All is alive and I feel Her in all that I touch. She is old and young at the same time, with the passion of youth and the wisdom of age as She travels across time and space to be here with me now; She is me. I feel our hearts beat as one and our arms wrap each other in the love of all Beings, all life, in love of the deep energy of rock and earth. I weep tears of joy and sorrow for the wounds She has suffered yet She continues to cleanse and heal and nourish.

She wears the Milky Way in Her hair and the Sun is her halo, and Grandmother Moon shimmers in Her eyes, eclipsed at times yet always present just as I feel all the ancestral grandmothers within my own Self, sharing their wisdom, pouring their love into my heart. She is the deep blue ocean and the pitch black sky, offering the expansiveness of all She is so that I may drink and bathe. I am filled with Her and I weep in gratitude for the blessings in each moment, my heart expanding to embrace all those I touch so that we can all feel Her Grace.

Healing tears pour forth like a river, rushing around the bends and curves, experiencing, living, creating, transforming! I feel such incredible bliss and opportunity knowing that my journey is within and without and all is as it should be. I feel the drumming of Her heartbeat, soft like bare feet upon the rich earth. Tapping, swaying, I move in Her ancient rhythm, feeling peace descend. Seeds of Her creativity scattered from the gourd that resonates in perfect synchronicity to the tapping feet, the soft drumming, the gentle resonance that is with all who walk softly upon Earth Mother. I feel the dirt between my toes as I stand in the fields of life past, present and future.

She gazes upon me with love from every soul I meet, no matter the circumstances, for She is there, beyond the suffering and I weep tears of healing. My heart opens and I feel the peace, Her peace. Ancestral Grandmother joins me in my Earth Walk, I feel Her strength and flexibility. She shares wisdom of how to bend and not break, to know Earth Mother, to know the Infinite is always a breath here, a moment there, She is with me in the tears of healing.

Thank you beloved many-times-over-great-Grandmother for your healing tears of love.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Speak the Truth We See

I speak the Truth I see. As I open my eyes to the world around me, I try to be fully present, to see through Her eyes the Truth of life. Not the illusions, the play, which although enjoyable and serves an important purpose, but rather to see and speak the Greater Truth. I feel Her presence when I express what I see in love and honesty, respecting diversity and celebrating the uniqueness of every single being I experience. She sees all and Her words become all that I see. Beauty surrounds me in every moment. I am so grateful for all that has become manifest.

I see not only with my eyes but also with my heart for to truly see is to know with every cell of my being. When I close my eyes, I can still see ... the warm sunshine, the soft fur of a cat, the love in the embrace of my partner, the cool wind that sweeps away the residue of the past. And when I hear the song of a bird, or the cry of a child, or the joyous bark of a dog, I see their feelings and feel their energy. We are connected through all that I see.

I see through someone else's eyes and experience their world, thoughts, feelings and sensations when I hold their hand or sit in their space, or when I read a book, article or blog, or when I listen to an audio version or watch a bind person read and see through their fingers. To see is to know that which has been expressed by another. And to see what resides behind the expression ... just there. For no matter what the obvious expression, it usually hides a Greater Truth. To see beyond the make-believe, the pretense, the defenses; to see the Divine Being that is within all life - that IS all life. To see is to know that we are all One and to accept the Soul that peeks out from behind the veil of illusion for that Soul is precious and to be loved.

She brings the world into being with Her breath and Her vision. Her Vision. Can you imagine?! I see the stories and tales in my mind and they pale in comparison to The Vision that continues to expand across the horizon of Her infinite knowing.

I see Her, imagine Her, feel and sometimes know Her swirling the galaxies within and without a huge mixing bowl, measuring and creating and blowing Her breath of life into the mix, dropping tears of compassion, making infinite designs. She sees and Her vision manifests miracles every moment. Do you see with me? All we have to do is look. I see the waitress helping out at the diner at the last minute, the nurse working while planning a joyous holiday for her toddler, the children playing in the snow across the street, the widow ladies caring for each other in their changed circumstances, the dog that allows the cat to snuggle closer.

I see and treasure the knowing that through the grace of a single moment I am still here, loving, learning, growing, accepting, embracing all the nuances of Her Vision - Life.

One Vision - One Voice - Love.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Our Ability to Soar

We are Angels waiting to realize our ability to soar.

I stand like a mountain and am grounded in Gaia's strength and stability, She supports me and our roots become entwined. She feeds me and I grow into a tree of life, my limbs are Hers and we stretch high, expanding, reaching.

I feel her blood nourish me, the waters of Her living womb flow, Her sap pulsates upward, carrying love and communion and I feel myself lift, rise, our energy joined and calm.

And the fire glows within, shooting itself up, out and away, creating and acting, building campfires, lighting candles, honoring fireflies and volcanoes, the warmth of Her love suffusing all that I do and providing a light to guide my way home.

My shoulders twitch and tingle, and begin to sprout wings, the feathers downy and too fluffy yet to support my weight in flight, but they stir the air and move my heart and lift my soul with their birth, soon growing full and strong.

I feel the safe knowing, the empowerment of realizing that I can fly wherever She calls and we can soar as One, our wings in tandem and I open my eyes to all that might be. We are Angels, all of us, waiting to realize the gifts in each moment, each element, for heaven is here and now.

She is within me and within every atom of the world as She explores and experiences Herself through all life. She is sensation and thought, and the very force that is vital to each of us. We are Angels and when we realize this gift, then She is no longer 'out there' but 'in here' and there and there! For what is an Angel? A soul, a spirit, a Being of Light that helps and guides and supports and encourages and watches over me, and how can I bring those loving qualities into this perfect life in this moment? I lift my arms to Her and they become wings.

I feel a flutter within my womb and the bird calls out to me in its sweet song to open my heart, to breathe. That when I breathe in love it fills the quills of my feathers so that I can rise without effort, the wind a purple ribbon to catch as it spirals in the breeze. When I breathe deeply and fully the tears fall and are released to nourish the seeds that I drop into the wind to scatter upon the earth. It is not mine to know which seeds take root for that their own journey. When I feel the flutter in my womb, and the song rises in my heart, exiting on the exhale, I breathe out love and faith for all life to know Her and the fullness of this moment and the ability to fly, to spread wings and soar.

A crane of peace resides within, feel my great wings begin to spread outward, one leg lifts, as I start to rise without effort because this is simply who I am, able to fly, able to ground, able to dive, able to transform.

For we are Angels, held down only through our own perception of limitations. I let the limits fall away and I can fly in love with Her.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Riding the Stream

I swim in the wisdom of transformation and compassion, flowing easily, following the stream as it meanders gently as winding brook dotted with rock and frond, and then as it rushes powerfully through the canyon carved out ages ago by the same waters renewed again and again. The steep red walls rise up sharply, their cracks and angles showing the passage of time that might otherwise be missed entirely.

Yet I see through Her eyes and know the rise and fall, the changes that never end as form becomes manifest and falls away like the rock slides once the rains and snows erode and shift the underlying roots exposing to the light that which She shows and shares as needful of reflection.

I ride the stream, I am carried by the river, I float in the oceans of her tears of joy and sadness that mingle and are inseparable.

I feel the silky smooth caress of the softening serene stream as we drift along, helping a leaf across the channel who is giving a ride to a fuzzy caterpillar who will transform and spread its wings and fly back across the stream to carry a message to those left behind or those who are waiting eagerly for their own leaf or stick upon which to ride across the stream while others upon seeing the messenger, step into the stream trusting that they will be able to get across without becoming carried away as would those who out of desperation or boldness step into the rushing river, mighty and forceful, matching their determination, yet also supporting them as they struggle to stay afloat, some only seeing the opposite shore and so they fight the river as I once did and do before becoming the flow of Her in moments here and there, and I do what I can encouraging and grabbing three limbs along the way to offer up as something to grasp knowing that when She and I find ourselves apart I trust that She will offer me a branch to hold until I learn once more, until I remember Self, to swim across while flowing with the current.

She whispers in a voice I hear within the waves that the shore is always going to be there because it is also underneath my feet when I stretch my toes down and touch the bottom of the river strewn with rocks and sand and mud. I can feel it beneath me, always with me in a different form, so why not enjoy the journey and all who I meet along the way for we are truly all one whether we seem that way or not.

And the ocean waits, She waits, her seaweed fingers floating, touching, waving, beckoning...

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Sparks Ignite

She is the Muse that offers to ignite my creativity with her gentle smile and sparks of inspiration. Like a guardian of all that could be, She is powerful and empowering, guiding me from within through opening my heart to feel and eyes to see the wonders from tiny to immense.

I feel Her moving within as She casts out ideas and plants seeds that carry each one its own unique expression. My seeds are each one an opportunity for growth and sharing, offering the potential to expand and spread across the mind like groves of trees that begin to take on a group consciousness, providing support to one another.

The dawn's light starts as a mere glow on the horizon and then expands until we are all bathed in Her love. I feel the golden waves washing over me like the wind across fields of ripened grains almost ready for harvest.

She sits just there, my ribs are the arms of Her chair, as She watches and inspires, offering encouragement. I feel my chest expand and my heart pounds near to bursting with anticipation.

Born from the fires of passion, I hesitate to fully embrace the release. Even the words seem to hesitate in their intent, seem to contradict each other and reveal a certain meeting of opposite forces: how can we "embrace" and "release" at the same time? And yet, duality is a concept used so that we can experience life through contrast.

I find words inadequate at times like these ... when energy is surging and ideas are rushing all around, sparks igniting everywhere setting off cascading effects of power flows that can feel a little intimidating. The fires begin to roar and rise, their flames soaring and then flickering, reflecting off the broader palette. And the reflection catches my attention. The refractive light tamer and more easily defined and detailed in its calm. The vision without the burning heat that threatens to blind and overwhelm.

Balance in all things, as I feel a warming energy, an inspiring and empowering aura surround me, thus the embrace. And so now I reach out and release to heal and love without fear of destructive explosion. The heat, the fire, that was growing out of control has found its outlet and can carry warmth without burning.

The light, She grows. From a spark can come enlightenment.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

An Ancient and Spiritual Approach to Health

Ayurveda - a sister science to Yoga - is a 5,000 year old health care tradition, that rises from deeply spiritual roots. When I began my training in Ayurveda, this was one of the most profound realizations that came to me during the Foundations portion of the extensive course as I listened to the incredible teachers from both India and here in the USA. This realization was that Ayurveda provides an entire holistic framework based upon the health of spirit and mind as well as body wherein they are all interconnected, not separate -- this spiritual component is not one of 'religion' but rather one of Spirit within all of Nature.

For a beautiful introduction to understanding Ayurveda, I invite you to view the following 3-minute video A Natural, Effective - and Ancient - Approach to Health presented by Hilary Garivaltis, Dean of the Kripalu School of Ayurveda in Massachusetts where I received my certification.

Ayurveda helps us remember what we already know about ourselves - that we are intimately connected on all levels with Nature.

Know your own Nature, and come to truly know your Self -

and how to provide optimum care for your body, mind and Spirit.

The Moment of Shift

Once upon a time...

I kneel upon the suffering world, feeling and hearing their cries echoing across the barren hearts of those who are too busy protecting their own fragile selves to stop and see, touch, feel and connect. I forget my Self, too, for a moment, and cower, all of us together feeling alone. In my heartache, I don't realize that I have turned my back upon Her rainbow of love that stretches across the entire land that is not barren, but full of miracles, promise, light and love. All I have to do is shed my fear, turn around, and She is here - one arm in shadow, one arm in light, Her embrace brings balance. Instead of cowering naked in my pain, exposed to the barbs of others who suffer, clinging to their familiarity, I can wrap Her rainbow cloak around me and become clothed in Light once more. I am reminded that "there is nothing to fear but fear itself." What a blessed joy to walk confidently night and day, step through dark and light, honoring the gifts of both death and rebirth.

One longest night, years ago or yesterday or ten years from now, I lie curled against my Self, and we feel fully that which must be released. Cry to let go and move forward. Grieve what has been lost and set it free. Honor the lessons learned. In cave, dark and deep, focus upon the messages of Shadow. And yet as the dawn breaks, Her light begins to grow longer, expanding, shining through every prism-heart to reflect all that might be, and we emerge from the cave.

A moment exists that cannot be measured - the moment of shift, of turning, of transition.

Cycles.

Dark to Light to Dark to Light .... both are necessary to Life.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

She Smiles at Me from Forest Floor

I spy a face among the leaves

Her soft gaze carried in the breeze

with light and shadow rippling there

among the strands of filmy hair

wherein lies all the knowledge bare

for me to see and touch and feel

we are the sacred spinning wheel

of all the cycles of the earth

Gaia breathes to give us birth

see once upon a fairy tale

into Her world I set my sail

and traipsed across the midnight trail

with winds and tides of air

so light I felt my bosom rise in flight

the wings that carry far away

into the dawning of the day

and there I see Her face once more

She smiles at me from forest floor

of damp decay and drying leaves

of interwoven lives that I believe

can hear Her call across the void

and sing Her songs of splendid joy

She is the fairest one of all

and I am Her and She is me

we are the trees that stand so tall

we are the broad expanse of sea

Her face I glimpse and I am free

to hear and know and live and see

She peeks around the edge of oak

and scurries up the scratchy bark

of living symbols standing firm

when will we ever truly learn

that all we are is out of Her

from earth and water

fire and air

our spirits in the ether fair

a glimmer from Her loving eye

can bring a tear of joy to mine

I feel Her near all times of day

to walk or run as my heart plays

or in the darkest shadow fall

feel her know her she is All

I walk the woods this later hour

feeling deep her spreading power

all around I hear her whisper

a twig nap here

a rustle there

and just a glimpse of fairy hair

that's caught upon a brushy snare

limbs of trees across the path

that trip the ones who dare to laugh

at Nature's messy beauty jumbled

like the river rocks once tumbled

are the smoothest in my hand

they shape and anchor Gaia's land

I am only simple cells

formed in one shape skin and bone

and here within my spirit dwells

just like how we are all as One

I look into Her eyes and see

the grace of love fulfilling me

I look again and we are one

Her face is gone our work is done

for when I do no longer see

the separateness of Her and me

then life will be paradise complete

and we will fall on our own feet

for I will find the sacred heart

is always mine and yours and ours

there is no you or Her or me

there is just us always we

so when I spy Her face among the leaves

I know the image is just me

I honor all the gifts of Gaia's shroud

through conscious thought and prayers aloud

I speak to others what I feel

no more secrets all revealed

for Truth is here and now forever

among the leaves wherein we gather

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Constriction

I feel constricted, the tight band of ropes around me invisible but squeezing the air out of me until I am rigid and emaciated from lack of oxygen and free will.

I feel the pain from lack of movement, hot tears of frustration sting my eyes and a groan escapes my throat and hurtles its way upward in desperation out of my mouth.

Caught in a vice of my own memories, I can't move. Wrapped in the grip of a life chosen, I feel trapped.

I feel my stomach cramp and my heart flutter weakly like the wings of a wren too long struggling against the tangled limbs of the fallen tree.

The more I resist, the stronger the web, as I feel my life draining away.

I call out, finally, for help. I go within and see the tiniest ember glowing deeply, almost hidden. She holds the spark ever so gently, in the palm of Her hand, offering it as a light in the dark, and I see the shades of yellow, red, orange and the steady pulse. I feel my fluttering heart align itself with the rhythm of the Light.

And then my breath relaxes, deepening. I feel some of the pressure release and the bands loosen. There. I feel Her presence, She didn't leave, She wasn't gone at all. I thought I lost my Self, but no, only faded into the cave where She was safe and secure from the vice, waiting, loving gently.

I breathe and with every inhale so slow and soft, the restriction is expanded a bit, stretched. With every exhale, I can move a little more. I smile, barely, in relief.

I know these feelings. I've been here before. But those are memories and their ropes are frayed and fragile; they can no longer bind me unless I let them, unless I repair them. I won't though. Because now I am free to fly with Her in our sky of infinite joy.

And now the bands of rope are sagging, threads separating, and I can move my arms and legs, I wiggle my fingers and toes as the circulation returns, tingling, pulsing with the same rhythm of the ember that ignited my re-visioning of Her and my Self and all that is wondrously Divine in my life.

I am realization in the making, as the vice springs open without the resistance needed to reinforce its constricting energy.

We are free!

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Dream of Peace

I have a dream.

Peace.

And I feel the dream of peace radiating everywhere.

All I create, all I bring into being, is part of my dream of peace.

Is it any wonder that I am not comfortable with anger, violence or aggression? I do not hate, but rather love. I feel compassion for the souls in torment, but not for their acts.

Yet I feel the peace that can be here now. Right now. This moment. Everywhere.

I dream and see and feel the birth of peace, over and over again, in concentric circles, spreading, rippling. And She holds me and my dream; we are the egg of new life, of peace on earth. I feel myself held in the fluids of nourishing love, and I float like an embryo, my umbilical is Her light, and is pure enough to nourish all Beings.

I have a dream and I create! Look at all the ideas, the eggs of new life! So many! And I hold each one, turning it 'round, precious and unique, bringing a new way of sharing inspiration. Building, shaping, healing, teaching, guiding, storytelling, listening, offering, opening...Being.

Tara comes and holds us sheltered and loved, fragile yet strong in our opportunities of being int he world. I am the creatrix of my own life through Her. I look around and see Her descent, Her pause, Her moments of dormancy, not death but transformation into rebirth. I feel all the power She is pouring into the seeds of rebirth. Beneath the brown decay lies a hum we can hear if we press our ear upon Her womb. A whispered vibrant note of the first harp, the first song sung in harmony as we all join together. Sound. The sound of peace is within, Her voice soft and serene.

I hold the egg of my dream and Her voice echoes within the chamber; we are both enjoying this time of perfect harmonic union, the moment before the shattering that comes with birth. The moment before the explosion of growth and action. The moment before the world joins in and casts illusions upon the path. This time is precious.

Have we lost our way? Does She wonder why we run away from the gray skies and the blackest nights? Why do some of us fear the silence, the womb, the blessed moments before rebirth? I accept Her hand as she leads me into the peace of long nights of renewal and insight.

The cold is opportunity to feel contrast and comfort in the shelter of going within -- within home, within Self. The dark is opportunity to explore the shadows more easily because they blend and merge with the dark and we can sit beside them then like two childhood friends on a log in the deep woods.

All I have to do is see Her Light in my Self and I feel the warmth of Her flame and the gray skies and long, dark nights are peaceful and perfect. I see Her candle glowing gently. These cycles are not a time to be afraid of the darkness. When I have stepped into the dark, She is there with arms wide open, and She envelops me in the dark as I dream in the night of peace.

And as I dream, so will it be. I am Peace.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Together We Pray

I stand before you, stripped of all pretense, naked in my Self, my heart full of love.

I stand here in supplication, offering my Self, to receive wisdom and guidance.

I look up and become lost Your radiance, my heart open and waiting. We are One. I feel a rush of energy sweep up and over, and I am filled with color.

She wraps her cloak around me and together we pray.

We stand before the Light, beaming down to draw our highest good into clarity and focus. I see Her before me and yet She is within. She becomes the One who sheds her cocoon, dropping the cloak, and it falls like a river of silk, landing in a puddle of folds at my feet. She shows me my own divinity. I see my Self in Her eyes and feel Her love. Together we pray, our hearts open.

She is my larger Self, the grand dame of our shared vision, and I am in awe of Her potential. She moves unafraid and confident, facing each moment in perfect equanimity and wisdom. She is the fairy of the garden, soaring and hovering, always near but rarely seen until I pause in stillness. When I pause, I feel Her gentle cloak, Her sparkling hair as the tendrils float upon the air, Her face glows as if drenched in morning sun and diamond dewdrops, and her hands are the vessels that catch and hold my tears. Her hands caress my heart, cradling the ache, cupping my pain until it melts from Her warmth to dribble away through Her fingers, falling harmlessly now, cleansed and seen - visible tears, crystal clear. She sees me in my Truth, She sees the real me and still She loves me. The wonder I feel in Her presence is one of such deep gratitude and peace that I could stay with Her forever in the these moments of bliss. And together we pray.

Our hearts are One. She is not 'out there' but is instead always right here as I clasp my hands over my heart and feel Her within. Knowing this gift is almost more than I can bear but yet makes all the suffering that has gone before knowing worth it. Knowing now that Her hands were clasping within mine, our hearts were beating in Unity, She was smiling through my tears and her hands touching, holding, were and are my solace.

She is my Self and Spirit and Source of All without separation or limitation.

Her hands write the story of my life and carry the love in my heart. Her hands touch me on all levels of being, and Her touch tells me I am fine, loved, beautiful, smart, strong, confident here and now. Her hands hold me when I stumble, and She waits until I am steady again. And She is always here. And together we pray.

As I bring my hands together I feel Her presence, Her hands are an overlay upon mine like the thinnest of silk gloves woven from the gossamer of angels' wings released to grow anew. Gloves of love.

And when my time comes to depart this body, She will rise with me and we will hold hands, mine in Hers and Hers in mine for She is the pure love in touching.

She is the healing energy within our hands, and She is with me whenever I reach out to others or inward to Self. Every touch is a prayer.

And together we pray.

______________________

As someone who is a spiritual eclectic, I used to feel uncomfortable with the word "pray" as it brought me into thoughts of religious dogma. However, I feel grateful to have reached a point in my spiritual journey where I can feel the purity of prayer in all its myriad forms (from meditation to contemplation, from ritual to spells, and beyond). I also open to the non-gendered Infinite Spirit, Source of all that is ever within and without everything that exists or is the unseen. My heart and spirit know 'that which cannot be named' yet I relate to Her, the Sacred Feminine, in order to connect with Source. May we all know peace in The Divine.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Choose to be a Wallflower

I am a flower near the wall

with bright and cheerful face.

This is my choice, I say to all,

to harmonize this space.

I started thinking about the term "wallflower" and how it has such negative connotations, or it certainly did when I was a girl. And yet, the original Wallflower or Cheiranthus cheiri is a beautiful, sweet-smelling flower often growing along old rock walls or near castles, providing a lovely contrast to the sturdy stone. The figurative apparently came into use first in an 1820 work by a woman writing to describe those young ladies sitting on the wall at a dance.

But you know what? In this day and age, where women are free to ask someone else to dance rather than sit around waiting, and where women have the choice to participate or not in a party, meeting or group function, the negative energy can be overthrown.

I am reclaiming and empowering the term "wallflower" and returning it to a place of honor and beauty!

My selected definition of a wallflower?

"Someone who enhances or embellishes the scene

without choosing to participate directly."

________________

Photo Copyright © 2005 David Monniaux

Her Endless Sea

I raise my arms above my head, holding the bowl of possibility that within swirls a thick soup of nourishing life and endless love that I pour out into the milky way as I realize the Divine Mother in my Self.

I feel strong and steady, sharing all that I have and am. I see what might be and feel Divine wisdom shining forth, coming through, expanding my vision in unimaginable waves of beauty and bliss. I feel a calm that reflects Her sea without storm or ship or enmity. Within Her ocean of possibility pouring forth I am carried and nurtured, buoyed by birth and blessed in the blood of all who ever were and ever will be. I undulate in Her rhythmic womb and we sing in tune, our harmony a song of love enchanting those who sail along, friend or foe to know the flow of love that is always here and now, supporting and serenading endlessly.

She is Abundance and her bowl is never empty, for even when the flow may pause, there is no cause for fear as the ebb is a gift of rebirth and transformation to renewed flow as I ride the crest and sink in the trough of her waves, and become as fluid as the whales whose mighty forms are as elegant in their element as the snake shedding her skin in the sands of time.

And so, I swim in the flow from the bowl of infinite possibility, nourished by Her ocean of love and sea of abundance.

Her endless sea of infinite possibility.

_______________

This was one of those exquisite* mornings where I rose and felt an incredible serenity permeating all around me, like some kind of restrictive energy had been released so that all is fluid and at ease.

I did listen to the luminous "A Sufi Song of Love" by Robert Gass & On Wings of Song last night before going to bed; I share a small part of that music HERE along with the Soul Cards I've drawn thus far on my Journey of Soul Inquiry. This choral chant - Kalama - essentially "points to that Love-Unity which created the universe." (The entire composition on the CD is over 30 minutes of blissful enchantment.)

Before even drawing my Soul Card this morning, I felt deeply joyous, writing bits every so often between the duties (putting the dogs outside, feeding the cats and dogs, cleaning up after the Elder One) that come before settled contemplative writing ...

Deep peace of acceptance flows

As she accepts her limitations

So do I, and in this acceptance

We are both carried within the calm.

(for Chiana)

I stare at the yard

barren and brown

as I wait for the card

that turns me around

in my thinking I pause

for an opportune time

while my soul is the cause

of multi-moments sublime

the silence is immense and small

no music, fridge quiet,

animals at rest

eyes closed against distractions all

I breathe, inhale and exhale,

grateful for my nest

Thank you Gaia for all you have done

for Guiding Moon and Shining Sun

Purusha and Prakriti, thank you for the endless sea

of swirling stars, of Infinity

Opening my heart that I might see

Infinite Love's possibilities

*Thank you to Laura for reminding me the other day of this blessed adjective!

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

Pain in the Ankle and Foot

There are at least ten Homeopathic remedies well-known in helping to catalyze self-healing in the ankle area, and quite a few more in general for joints, bones, ligaments, tendons, etc. One of the most prominent for ankles is Ruta graveolens.

However, for those of you new to Homeopathy, this is where it is so important to understand the individual remedies and the whole-person needing support. And also to realize that due to the number of possible remedies (anywhere from ten to a hundred) for the same "symptom," it can often take due diligence in trying a few different ones before arriving at the correct one -- but very much worth working through the process (knowing about potency and dosing, how to evaluate whether a remedy is resonating with the individual, etc).

For example, my husband has been experiencing significant pain in his foot extending from the ankle down to the arch, unrelated to an injury, per se. I must preface this with the fact that, like for many people, getting specific details from him about location or pain or any symptom modalities at all is beyond challenging -- either he is feeling "pain" or he isn't which doesn't provide a lot to go on in selecting remedies. :-) But, he is also the first one to admit that Homeopathy WORKS. He has experienced the amazing results first-hand quite a few times over the past ten years -- when the correct remedy is chosen.

Anyway, back to his severe ankle pain. After reviewing several remedies, we did decide to go with Ruta first. It didn't help. Now, the nice thing about giving my husband a remedy is that when it works or doesn't, it's blatantly obvious and he says so right out straight. So, I guess the black or white approach can be helpful at times. ;-)

For the past three days, the pain had gotten so bad that he was noticeably lame, and co-workers at his office were constantly asking him yesterday what was wrong. So, I pulled out my books, thought about remedies he has received in the past, weighed the information, and selected a different remedy last night: Guaiacum officinale.* This remedy has an affinity for arthritis and rheumatism, as do many others, but this one seemed a stronger fit in this instance. We started with a low potency so he took several doses before bed and, by morning, he said he was shocked that when he put his foot on the floor to get up out of bed the pain was almost entirely gone. Yup, just like that. Again, though, this remedy fit him and his particular set of circumstances -- other remedies may be more appropriate for other people.

THIS is when Homeopathy creates true converts!

And he didn't hesitate to credit Homeopathy for the turn-around when he got to work!

I am so grateful that I have taken an in-depth course in Homeopathy as well as having studied it for over ten years. My husband benefits, and so do our animals, as do I! Not to mention others with whom I've worked. I encourage people to learn more about Homeopathic remedies as a natural healing modality.

______________

* Guaiacum officinale is the resin from the tree called Lignum vitae. This small tree with lovely blue flowers is an endangered species now in Florida; the wood is so heavy that it sinks, yet is loved by many woodworkers because the resin prevents it from drying out and so was often used on ships. A beautiful gift of Mother Nature that provides many healing qualities to those who appreciate how to connect with it.

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FOOTPRINT
free photo © Kiankhoon | Dreamstime.com

Feathers and Truth

When I drew this card, instantly I was transported to that moment when I heard a voice whisper to me upon the tailing wisp of a dream... "wear the Gypsy feathers well"...

I feel my spirit flying, creativity soars and inspiration shares my mind. We are companions of story and images that cannot be tamed. We are the feathered ones, the ones who bring messages across time and space.

I feel my Self carried away from my body, from earthly desires and needs. I am free of the chains that weigh this body down and bind it to the manifest world. I am on the winds, they support and guide my spirit as we explore all the possibilities that hover on the horizon. My mind is one with Spirit and we abandon the practical to have our adventures. A voice calls to me from behind a shoulder - "wait!" - but I can't for the feathers are a headress of what lies beyond and not behind.

My body can wait as I watch it fall away... I see oceans and mountains, animals and people, flowers and trees. From above they appear so fragile and in need of care. How can I leave the beauty and sensations of the world behind? Can I bring them with me? But no, the world is one life and the visions beyond are something...different. Am I ready to soar the final time? Not yet. For now I venture only for a moment. Not even a moment, but less than that.

My hand holds a braid of flowers and stars that transmits sparkles of energy to and from my mind like the string of a kite, so that I can soar but without fear of losing myself on the winds that can suddenly whip and whirl, spinning me about, lifting the air-filled quill threaded through the Gypsy feathers. I feel such incredible peace up here, my spirit light, so easy here, isn't it?

I feel stories swell and swirl in my mind, lived and not lived, like the mists in a rainbow sheltered valley at the base of purple mountains. Up where the air is thin, the ether becomes more filling and yet more ephemeral, the space is neither empty or full. Yet how can that be? I waver between knowing and wonder, between the lift of my wings and the pull of my body.

Between worlds, this is where Truth dwells, and She is beautiful and mighty. She is that which cannot be hemmed in or tied down because She is more than a concept. Truth Is. My feathers allow me to see Her, to be near Her, to float in Her presence for a while. And then, so gently, as a snowflake rests upon the last rose petal, I drift back to my body, peacefully.

It's okay. I can be here now. I have seen Her and been held in Her arms. I can return any time, all I have to do is close my eyes and feel the feathers in my wings lift me for these feathers are Her - She is Spirit Within that lifts me up when I feel too bogged down by the mud of the world and She helps me know the shape I can create from the mud, the invigorating fire that transforms me into pottery filled with pure spring water and which can then rise as steam without the need of feathers, for all forms are Her. She is within me and I am within Her.

-- This was one of those times when the card triggered my thinking mind right off the mark and said Left Brain seemed to want to hold everything in a tight grasp; the writing felt more rigid, and soul more elusive. It was probably a blessing that I was writing under a time constraint, though, because that kept my pen moving along the page in a quick stream, allowing waves of Soul connection, in spite of my mind's attempts at control (my practice is to write for a full three pages, no less, although sometimes not all of that remains upon Soul Card impressions). Still, it was an interesting experience!

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing

We Breathe As One

My inhale is your exhale. We breathe as One.

Our elements commingle reflecting each the other.

Reflections are not separate but share a view, an image,

a perspective to know where we need to grow.

I feel you with me, just there...

We float in the depths,

our hearts beat as the synchronous fluttering of the arrows of geese across the sky.

Without constraint, our limbs are fluid, wrapping around, pressing close; throughout our bodies a connection remains charged, conducted through the waters of love. We are joined in the center, the vein pulsing its power everywhere, our core is the same as we return to each other again and again for sustenance. We were born as one but torn apart at the last moment, ripped away to separate lives until we could find each other. Oh my Love, you were there in the beginning and we are joined in our hearts forever. When I close my eyes, I feel you and see you, our colors merge and we are One.

Only by moving away can we fully realize the path of Oneness. A journey back to each other brings awareness and growth - to me, to you, to all those we meet along the way who are also One.

Infinite reflections of the Infinite.

And so we rest. We sleep beneath the lake, a womb against which our hands press, feeling for others, the other reflections that are resting just out of reach, just out of sight, but we know they are there. If we tilt the mirrors 'just so', the reflections go on forever.

We are all drawn to the Light. We come together in the Light and see only each other, the illusion, because our eyes are closed. But open our eyes and we see the others. Hundreds of thousands, we are the leaves on the trees in a grove in a forest on a continent in a world of billions of reflections of the Light, all seeking to experience Life to become One with Source once more. To know that we are not alone, and not just meant for one other, but to be One with all Life, all reflections. When we open our eyes, hearts and souls, we know that we are reflected in everything and everything is reflected in us.

We are the Reflections and the Source.

I see my reflections for I am reflected within the

birds on wing

petals of a lady slipper

trunk of the tall sentinel pine

rush of a wave crashing over boulders

silky fur of a graceful cat

deep brown eyes of a faithful dog

challenging trail on a magnificent mountain

warm bright flame of a candle

sweet scent of roses

spicy fragrance of cinnamon

verdant green spears of asparagus

love shining softly in my partner's eyes

gratitude of kindness in helping others

all reflecting the Light we share and through them I know the Divine, Her reflections are glorious and I am overcome with the realization that we are One, without separation, and I know the illusion at last.

My exhale is your inhale. We breathe as One.

___________

SoulCards® Deborah Koff-Chapin, Center for Touch Drawing