~ from cats, dogs and nature to the flowering of body, mind and spirit ~

Saturday, December 18, 2010


I feel constricted, the tight band of ropes around me invisible but squeezing the air out of me until I am rigid and emaciated from lack of oxygen and free will.

I feel the pain from lack of movement, hot tears of frustration sting my eyes and a groan escapes my throat and hurtles its way upward in desperation out of my mouth.

Caught in a vice of my own memories, I can't move. Wrapped in the grip of a life chosen, I feel trapped.

I feel my stomach cramp and my heart flutter weakly like the wings of a wren too long struggling against the tangled limbs of the fallen tree.

The more I resist, the stronger the web, as I feel my life draining away.

I call out, finally, for help. I go within and see the tiniest ember glowing deeply, almost hidden. She holds the spark ever so gently, in the palm of Her hand, offering it as a light in the dark, and I see the shades of yellow, red, orange and the steady pulse. I feel my fluttering heart align itself with the rhythm of the Light.

And then my breath relaxes, deepening. I feel some of the pressure release and the bands loosen. There. I feel Her presence, She didn't leave, She wasn't gone at all. I thought I lost my Self, but no, only faded into the cave where She was safe and secure from the vice, waiting, loving gently.

I breathe and with every inhale so slow and soft, the restriction is expanded a bit, stretched. With every exhale, I can move a little more. I smile, barely, in relief.

I know these feelings. I've been here before. But those are memories and their ropes are frayed and fragile; they can no longer bind me unless I let them, unless I repair them. I won't though. Because now I am free to fly with Her in our sky of infinite joy.

And now the bands of rope are sagging, threads separating, and I can move my arms and legs, I wiggle my fingers and toes as the circulation returns, tingling, pulsing with the same rhythm of the ember that ignited my re-visioning of Her and my Self and all that is wondrously Divine in my life.

I am realization in the making, as the vice springs open without the resistance needed to reinforce its constricting energy.

We are free!

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